Bed Buddies

Lights

~Ian~

Little lights, big lights, all lights are significant in our lives.

They enlighten not only outward things, but the things we're seeking in our soul.

Like lights on the Christmas tree makes a little child giggle, the one from the candles give hope to the ones who need it, the ones from the stars are the ones that people look upon and introspect, the one from the sun is the one that enlivens the whole world.

I flicked the light of my table lamp, on and off, crying silently to myself as the thought of losing him forever tore my soul apart.

~Noah~

I hated myself for letting it happen to me again.

I wasn't a dry leaf fallen from an old tree in autumn. Then why was everyone stepping on me, crushing me and moving ahead?

I couldn't have been so worthless, could I?

But it was my entire fault that I allowed such things to happen to me repeatedly.
My heart was my responsibility after all, then why did I let anyone else play with it? Why did I let myself be affected so much?

I had to give it a halt.

I made up my mind that I'd never see Ian again, come what may. He had called a dozen times and I had ignored all of them. He didn't drop a message, which was intelligible since I was sure he didn't have any sensible defence for himself.

If one sees the situation from a broader perspective, I didn't have any right to be mad at Ian. Neither were we together nor did we sign any agreement saying we would not see anyone else while sleeping with each other.

What made my blood boil was the love seeping in my veins for him. And the feeling of self loathe making its way inside as to why I felt anything for a heartless person like him.

I fell for the friendly façade he had put on for a couple of days which was probably just a plot to get me to continue giving myself to him.

I cried and thrashed around the whole night, breaking things in the process, feeling anger and hurt take control of my body.
I couldn't believe I failed in my attempt to become strong. Why did I have to go and let someone else break my heart again?

Hopeless was all I could name myself.

And the only solution I could come up with, was isolation.

So I mailed an application to the school's principal asking for permission to take a week's leave and locked myself up in the house. It would give me ample time to introspect and probably teach myself to change eventually.

My body clock woke me up at six the next morning. When I sat up and stretched into the new day, all the incidents of last evening came flooding into my brains.

I threw the duvet aside and decided that it was time I left it all behind.

So I sprawled out on the couch in the living room and binge watched my favourite shows till my stomach gurgled in protest.

I ordered Chinese food in and enjoyed my lone time, bobbing my head to the music coming through the earphones.

Yes, I thought about Ian, yes I wished he had never done that, yes I wished it was all just a misunderstanding. But I also liked the idea of moving on and starting to pay more attention to myself than anyone else.