You let the tears roll down your face, telling yourself you deserve to be unhappy that you weren't aloud to be okay. You dig your nails into your skin leaving half crescent shapes some break skin and blood dribbles down your forearm like tiny rivers, you pull your knees further up to your chest hoping that it would stop the pain in your sternum but as you figured it didn't stop, your head starts to hurt your eyes are ringing and your vision has blurred.
"(Y/n)?" You look up to see Peter standing at your door.
He drops his bag and falls to his knees in front of you, he grabs your hands and pulls them away from your bloodied arms he cups your face and forces you to look at him.
"(Y/n)? What happened?" You choose to ignore him.
He thumbs at your cheek getting rid of stray tears, you can see the look in his eyes the look of disappointment and sympathy and it made you sick because he was just like the others trying to make things better when they had no idea what you were going through.
"(Y/n), you can talk to me." You shake your head.
He nods frantically, tears started leaking from his eyes and his hands became shaky.
"Please tell me what's wrong, let me help you." He begs.
You look down at the broken skin on your arm knowing that it would scar and leave another ugly reminder on your flesh.
"(N/n), why won't you tell me? Why won't you let me help you?"
"Because you can't help! No one can!" You scream at him.
You push him away getting up from the corner of your room and standing facing away from him.
"How do you know that? You haven't even let me try!" Peter takes hold of your shoulder but you shrug him off.
"Because no one understands, no one knows what's going on in my head. They don't know the voices that make me doubt living, doubt my own happiness. It's always 'just take this pill' or 'see this person' I'm sick of it! I want help, I just want help." You sink to your knees and start to sob.
"You know what? Maybe I can't help you but there isn't going to be someone to save yourself from your own thoughts. You're the only one that knows what goes on in your mind. So you are the only one that can help yourself. Every moment you felt like you were less then someone else, every time you shamed yourself for hurting, every night you spent crying thinking about how 'you're not good enough', every time you convinced yourself you were worthless, every time you harmed yourself, and every time you thought about killing yourself. It's an injustice to the beautiful human being you are. So at the end of the day, you got to pick yourself up. Because if you can so easily convince yourself that you don't matter, it has to be you to tell yourself the truth: that you are important and you are loved. You are the only person that can save you from your own mind and your own thoughts. Save yourself (Y/n)." And with that Peter grabbed his bag and left.
Those words swam around in your mind for a little while before making sense. Peter loved you and he had said all that to show you that he cared and that he valued you and it made your heart hurt at thought of you making him get so upset like he did, you grab your coat and shoes and head outside you take yourself to Peters apartment and knocked furiously on the front door May opened the door and you said a quick hello before running to Peters room. His door was opened and you could see him sitting on his bed earphones in blocking out the world you start crying again before falling onto him, you hug him and he has by now pulled out his earphones.
"I'm so sorry Pete, I'm sorry." You hug him tighter.
"I love you (Y/n), I don't know what you're going through but I do know that I will help you get through whatever this is." He kissed the top of your head and you honestly felt better.
Peter Parker was something else.
