I'm Never Letting Go

Chapter Seven- The Relapse

PJ's POV

We don't need you.

We.

That's what he said, Chris. My roommate. My best friend. Right after he told me one of his biggest secrets of his life, and in my stupid shell shocked state could only reply "what". Just before he got angry and left me standing there still trying to collect my thoughts.

Gone...

I had tried to follow him, obviously. But being in London, with the amount of side streets and people around he had disappeared almost immediately after I first began the pursuit. There was no point continuing any further and besides, I had left the apartment door unlocked in my rush, so I returned home. That was when the calling began.

It was 18:24 now and the skies outside were almost pitch black as it was the winter season. I checked the outside temperate for our area on the internet and it read as -3 degrees centigrade, one of the coldest evenings this whole month. Chris only had on the outfit he wore out on the previous night, which consisted of a t-shirt, skinny jeans and a thin looking Barbour jacket. I was pretty sure he had no money on him as his wallet was sitting on the table where the phone sat. That would mean he would have to walk all the way back from wherever he ran to.

If only I said something, I thought. Anything. It was my one chance to prove how much I'm there for him and for us to put right the tension and unease that we had both been feeling over the past few months... But instead I fucked up. I let him leave... Why did I let him just leave like that? After what he said? What he told me...

"I could've-", I gasped, "I should've-"

The bin came crashing down and it's contents exploded all over the floor before I realised I had lashed out and kicked it over. In my pure, raging self hatred I picked up the next closest thing to me- a glass vase filled with spare change- and smashed it downwards onto the tiled kitchen floor below me with all the strength I could muster.

It all happened within a space of a few seconds- a whoosh of air as the vase gave into gravity; the ear splintering sound as it broke into a million pieces upon impact to the ground; the faint rumble of coppers and silver spheres as they run from the destruction, only to lazily collapse onto the ground a few inches later; the eerie silence that came after; the enticing gleam of each beautiful shard as they tinkle underneath the kitchen lights, just waiting to be run over fresh, unmarked skin...

No, I pleaded to myself. Not again.

I promised myself never again....

Chris' POV

I checked the time. 19:02. Damn it, I mentally cursed myself, trudging through the newly-formed puddles on the pavement. It had started raining about half an hour ago and I was seriously underdressed. The jacket that I was wearing had a hood, but it wasn't doing much. But what did it matter? I was soaked anyway.

I was beginning to feel guilty. I didn't mean to be out for this long- time just seemed to catch up on itself. I hadn't eaten anything since I went to that cafe and met Alex, but then again I never tended to eat anyway. Not when PJ was around.

PJ...

I can imagine him now, sick with worry still trying to get through to my phone. When I did finally decide to turn the thing back on with the intention of replying, it died on me a few seconds later. Teaches me to not charge my phone after coming home last night I guess.

Karma, eh?

I continued to walk down the dark alleyways, our apartment now in view in the distance. The light was still on, as expected, but it still sent a fresh wave of guilt down my spine. I decided to quicken my pace. I was only a few minutes walk away. What was I going to say to him? How should I behave? Will he still want to be my friend?

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't even see the baseball bat until it had made contact with my temple and I crumpled into the rising ocean swirling underneath me.

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