My Pen Pal: Jack Barakat

Chapter Seven - So This Is It?

WARNING: SELF HARM!!

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Jack’s POV

I woke up in the morning, yet again beside Olivia. She stirred, opening her eyes and slowly beginning to wag her tail at me as I raised my hand to pat her on the head. “Morning Liv.” She barked quietly, stretching all 4 legs out on the bed. I swung my legs over the side, stretching mine out also as well as my arms. I ran my fingers through my hair and scratched at my scalp. I looked over at the clock. It read 10 in the morning. I sighed, resting both my arms down on the bed as I fell back. “I really don’t have the energy for band practice today.” Liv placed 2 of her paws on my forehead, gently patting them, which forced me to sit upright once again. “I’ll make the effort then.” As I walked down the hallway and to the left to the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of a white envelope on the floor beside the front door and skidded over to it on the wooden floor in my bare feet. “Finally.” It was a letter from Danni. I tore the envelope open and slung myself down on a chair to read it. The photo had helped her and so had my words. I really felt sorry for the girl. Her life was much worse than mine that was for sure. I put the letter back in the envelope and decided that I’d write back to her during band rehearsal later on today. I headed off to the bathroom, hopping into the shower and letting the water pour down onto my face. As I closed my eyes and felt each water droplet touch my face, I thought about Danni. I wondered how alone she felt each night and each morning. I’d put my Skype name in that letter so it’d be easier and faster to contact each other, although we would still send letters. Yes, I thought. That’s a good idea.

Danni’s POV

I stood in the corner of Benji’s room shocked and appalled. He had lied to me. Every single thing he had done for me since I’d met him was fake and only for somebody else’s purposes. “How could you? I trusted you!”

“They wanted me to follow you. As soon as I joined the school as the new kid they took me into their gang of bullies and set me on you!” I started crying. The tears streamed down both of my cheeks and I clenched my hands together, digging my fingernails into my skin. “But you still lied to me!”

“No, I-“

“So not only did you follow their orders to follow me around, but you decided to flirt with me too?!” He shook his head at me, pretending to look upset. He was putting this emotion on. I could tell it was all fake. I could see every little piece coming together now. Nobody would ever love me for real. “Danni, I’m sorry-“

“NO, YOU’RE NOT SORRY!” Suddenly his face scrunched up and both his fists clenched by his sides. “Fine. But you’re going to hate what’s coming to you from now on!” My heart broke and my legs started shaking. “What do you mean?”

“Well, considering I’m with the bullies I’m going to make them antagonize you even more!” He moved closer to me and I moved back before I ended up hitting the corner of the wall in his room. “And you’re going to hate every little second of it”, he said as he poked me in the chest with his finger. He slowly backed off again. “I think you should get out of my house now.”

“With fucking pleasure! I never want to see you again Benji.”

“Oh, you will. I’m a bully now, remember?” He smirked. I grabbed my stuff and ran down the stairs of his house crying and got outside, slamming the front door behind me. I looked at the time on my phone through my blurry eyes from all of the crying that was currently taking place. It was 2 in the morning and I knew my dad wouldn’t be awake. I had my keys on me so I decided to just take the long way home. Walking.

About 40 minutes later I reached home and turned the key in the door and opened it as quietly as I could, before locking it behind me. I sighed, rubbing my eyes. They were burning because of being tired and from crying. Suddenly the light turned on in the hallway and my dad appeared. “Sweetie how come you’re home? I thought you were with your new friend-“

“He’s not a friend to me anymore.”

“Oh.” I slumped down on the sofa, beginning to cry some more. My dad sat beside me, proceeding to place an arm around me and pulling me into his side. “What’s happened sweetie? You can tell me.”

“He lied to me. He’s a mean person dad.”

“Care to explain?” I shook my head, looking up at him through teary eyes. “I just want to go to bed and forget about it all.” He patted me gently on the back. “Okay, go get yourself to sleep.” I stood up and turned back to him. “Thank you dad, for everything.” He smiled. “You’re welcome sweetie. Just be quiet when you go up the stairs.” I nodded, making my way to the bathroom. I stripped myself down and got into my onesie as I heard my dad heading back upstairs. I didn’t bother having a wash or brushing my teeth. My heart was heavy and my mind was blank. I placed both hands on the sink and looked up at the mirror in front of me. I didn’t even want to be here anymore. “Let’s face it, why would Benji have loved this face?” I sighed and rolled up my sleeve, picking up a razor blade from the shelf and held it to my wrist. I hesitated. I’d promised myself and All Time Low that I wouldn’t do this again but I just felt that I had to. It was my only option right now to feel happier with myself. I watched as the blood trickled down my arm and I waited for it to dry before rolling my sleeve back down gently. I picked up my washing and my bag, before heading upstairs to my room and closing the door quietly behind me. My wrist hurt badly. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m so stupid, I thought to myself. It was done now. That’s all I could have done to release my anger and my hurt. I climbed up my bunk and flung myself down, staring up at the ceiling. I hate myself and I hate this world…

Jack’s POV

I arrived at band rehearsal but mostly ignored what happened after we actually rehearsed. I heard talking but didn’t focus on what was actually being said. During rehearsal I focused as hard as I could, playing all my guitar parts right and singing backup vocals whenever I wanted to. Now I just sat in front of the other 3 guys as they spoke, writing my letter back to Danni and hoping she was doing okay.

Hey Danni,

I’ve waited anxiously for your letter to arrive to me. I’ve been really worried about you for some reason. You’ve been on my mind a lot and in my dreams. Please don’t think I’m a creep, oh god. I just hope you’re okay. I want you to be okay. Add me on Skype. My name on there is JackBassamBarakat69. Yeah, I know. I used that number because of certain reasons related to the band. I’m sure you know what they are as most All Time Low fans do know. If you don’t have Skype already it’s free to sign up and download. I just want to be able to talk to you more personally and also more easily. I want to be there for you in times of trouble or need so just add me whenever you can. I still want to write letters back and forth to you as well if you can. We can talk more about this whenever you add me on Skype.

Many cuddles and kisses,

Jacky x

“Jack, dude, stop writing love letters.”

“It’s not a love letter.” I put the letter in a new envelope and wrote the address on the front before sealing it. “It’s for Danni.”

“A love letter for Danni?!” Rian smirked. I shook my head and sighed. “The pen pal project, remember? That’s how I actually found her in the first place.” I wanted to slap Rian. He honestly thought I had proper feelings for this girl. I was just worried about her an awful lot. “Rian shut the fuck up.” Alex yet again was the only one who seemed to understand. Zack never said anything as usual, which was probably for the best. “We were just talking about how well rehearsal went Jack and the UK tour that’s coming up.” I just nodded. “Yeah, looking forward to it.”

“Maybe if you get on Skype with this Danni we can hitch her up with a backstage package or something for free?” I nodded. “I’ll talk to her about it whenever I can.” Finally meeting Danni would be strange, but Skyping… I think she’ll be more freaked out than me though.