The Wanderer Love - A William Control Fanfiction

raw mornings

Summers between grade levels have always been the most boring three months of my life. Don't get me wrong, I loved spending time with my friends, they became my family.

Ruby, Shelby Micheal, Bethany, Bianca, KJ, and JJ were the only few to know the real me. I missed the long nights with them. Memories with them were never dull nor negative. Being with them just reminded me of what waited when I got "home."

It was like having a split personality, the way I was with my friends and the way I was at home was completely different. With my friends I was a rebel, we all were. We would trespass government property just to see if there were aliens. We would play with Ouija boards then launch them into Christian followers lawns. However at home, I was obedient, I had to be. Consequences at my house went more than just being grounded. I wouldn't be allowed out, I would have to clean the whole house, as if I hadn't already done it. I would have to take beatings, spanking even, not even the good kind. What my parents said, was what was to be done.

My parents are beyond strict. I was controlled by my parents. I had chores every single day. Chores could go from washing dishes to washing the cars, with no assistance from my younger brother, it was all left to me. I wasn't allowed to keep my own bedroom door shut until I went to bed. Of course, I had a bedtime of nine o'clock on school days and ten o'clock on weekends or summer days. They also added in the phone policy. I had to leave my phone in the living room overnight. I despised the curfew, and not being able to spend nights at friends houses was agrivating.

At times I tried to remind myself that it was expected of from a Hispanic family. The chores along with the routine questions of "where are you going?" "who will you be with?" "how many people will be there?", was all part of the Hispanic package. It wasn't like I was a bad kid, because I really wasn't.

I'll make it clear that throughout high school, I kept my grades high and my school involvement just as high. I've had straight A's with the occasional B since the sixth grade. My parents would probably disown me if I dropped even a half a percentage. In reality, I kind of wanted that. I took AP courses mixed in with advanced courses to challange myself but my grades remained constant. I was the type of girl to be involved in a hundred different things but never really dedicate my time to the other people getting involved. I mainly did all the programs and application clubs because it looked really good on a resume, not because of the opportunity. I even took internships as early as my first day of junior year. Regardless of all the success I was awarded for in the senior awards night, I never took it as my success.

There was always a sense of "I have to get out" kind of vibe in school. I felt so dead at school. It wasn't because of getting up early, I actually loved that. It was just that I hated the scheduled disappointment. Going from class to class guided by a bell was painful to my sanity. I felt like a sheep in a slaughterhouse, always following the crowd to my fixed doom. It went on to the point where I did not feel like me, I felt as if I was just watching my body from a distance, like my soul did not want to coexist with the things I was putting myself through.

Even as I sat there on graduation night, my instincts were to leave. I had to make a speech because I was voted most involved. I didn't want to be labeled, but damn it looked amazing on a resume. Soon It was to be my turn up on the podium. It wasn't the anxiety rattling in my head but the thoughts of "this is just where the suffering really starts" that caved in on every other thought I had. I was expected to just sit there and listen to the speeches of the people convinced that their lives where just starting, just so I could go up and have the same kind of speech expected from me.

"It's your turn" the principal whispered to me, breaking me away from my thoughts.

I looked at my principal for a second and sighed to myself. "How can you lead such a death speech" I thought to myself just looking at her.