Toward the Walk of Shame

10 {Suzy}

Today would have been another Dear Diary moment if I still had one. I did when I was younger. A sky blue journal with a metal lock and a kew necklace. I wrote in it everyday until I realized how easy it was to break the flimsy lock that was the only barrier to my innermost thoughts and desires. Then bam! Into the trash it went.

Did anyone even keep diaries anymore? Everyone I knew had a blog now - although in my opinion, that's even more worse. Anyone could read it. Even the ones that are "locked" and marked private. You could even Google how to hack into it on the same webpage. And if anyone could read it, there was really no use in making it private. Might as well put it in skywriting.

But that's beside the point. My point is that today was a Dear Diary day.

Soyeon was the one who brought up the problem first. She had overheard Seulgi telling some other girls that Sehun and I didn't look like a real couple. That there was no way he could keep his hands to himself at school if we had real chemistry. And she gave us two weeks before we broke up.

Before I could even start panicking, Soyeon had an idea. "Why don't you guys have a big makeout performance at school and prove everyone wrong?"

Judging by her big smile, I'm pretty sure she'd been waiting ages to make this suggestion.

I was hesitating at first. Especially when Sehun hesitated. Then I was a little offended. It didn't take long for him to get on board, though.

As we waited for the bell to ring and our audience to arrive, he stretched his arms overhead as though he's getting ready for a marathon rather than just a kiss. "Ready, Suzy?"

"Are you kidding me? I was all up last night anticipating this," I said flatly, shuffling through the history flash cards I had made the night before.

"You don't know how much the thought of you in bed thinking about me warms my heart." Sehun wiggled his eyebrows at me. "And other parts of me, too, of course."

I rolled my eyes and smacked the cards against his chest. "Gross." I was offended as I would have been last week. Aish, I'd even gotten used to his warped, dirty sense of humor. The best way to counter him was with sarcastic comments. Something I had plenty of.

My nonchalance was a front. Inside, I was a wreck. A big fat mess. Every time I thought of kissing Sehun, the image of that afternoon we almost kissed in his room flashed in my head.

I don't know what happened. Maybe my emotions had already been wired up because of my dad, and I had to let down my  guard. But I'd almost lost control. And strangely enough, the fear of losing control was what had snapped me out of it. Even though I had wanted to kiss him - really, really wanted to - I hadn't. I couldn't. Because I wasn't ready for it.

That was last week, though. I was fully prepared today. My emotions were reined in and I knew what to expect. I'd even read a couple of articles online on kissing in my case my paltry experience wasn't enough. There was tons of stuff on the Internet.  Thank goodness I clicked off the monitor before Lucy and Eomma came in, or I would have had a lot of explaining to do.

I shifted my weight from foot to foot. "Are you sure this is a good spot?"

"Trust me. This is the best place for our performance. Everyone knows this is the prime spot to get some action. And since it's behind the gym-room lockers, there's barely any teachers around."

"Hmm, I guess you would know."

"You can bet that I would." Sehun slid down the locker until we were eye to eye. "By the way, my mom wanted me to give you a basket of banana muffins to bring home. Remember to get it from my trunk when I drop you off."