Toward the Walk of Shame

26 {Suzy}

Sehun wasn't home, and he wasn't picking up my calls. But he couldn't avoid me forever. I'd camp out on his lawn if I had to.

My eyes glanced over at the empty driveway, and I bit my lower lip. I almost regretted telling him about the kiss, but I had to tell him the truth. I had to explain that I was glad that Minho kissed me, because it made me face my heart and realize that I wanted to be with Sehun.

The door flew open, and Mrs. Millard almost ran me over on her way out. Her purse knocked against the back of my head. "Sorry, Suzy, I didn't see you. What are you doing here?"

Rubbing my head, I jumped to my feet. "I'm waiting for Sehun."

Her brows furrowed. "You're not with him? I could have sworn he went over to your house to tell you the good news."

"He did, but I -" My face flushed, and I didn't know how to continue. "We didn't really get a chance to talk."

Pursing her lips together, she silently studied me. "Do you want to come in and wait for him? He might be home soon."

"No, I can wait outside if you're about to leave."

"It can wait." Mrs. Millard reached out and placed her hand around my arm. She pulled me toward the door. "Come in. Do you want something to eat?"

"Thanks, but I'm fine." I followed her into the living room and sat on the couch. I clasped my hands tightly on my lap. I looked around the room and tried to take my mind off how I had messed up everything with Sehun. "You said something earlier about Sehun have good news?"

She laughed a little and leaned her hip against the arm of the couch. "Well, it's good and sad. At least for me. I don't really want him to leave, but it was his choice. I can't protect him anymore."

I got a little light-headed, and my vision blurred. I still didn't understand what she was talking about, but I didn't like the direction it's going. "I don't - wait, Sehun's leaving?"

Her smile slowly faded. "He didn't tell you anything?" She frowned and chewed on her thumb. "Oh dear. This feels kind of awkward now. Maybe you should wait for Sehun."

Like there was any way I could wait for this. I reached out and grabbed her hand. "No, tell me." I tried to give her the best puppy eyes I could, channeling Damon on steak night. "Please?"

It only took one minute or so, but she caved. "He called his dad."

I blinked at her in shocked. "That's awesome!" This was big news! So he finally called him. No wonder Sehun looked so excited earlier. Or at least he did before he found out about Minho and me. "Is he going to visit him?"

Mrs. Millard looked down. "Actually, his father asked Sehun to live with him in Jeju while he goes to college. And he said yes."

Crash! The world crashed to my feet. I sank back into the couch and stared at her. Jeju? But - but that was far. how could he - where was he - and college? When did he even get accepted? It was like I had missed out on everything.

"Honestly, I'm actually proud that he made this decision. Don't tell him I said that, though." Mrs. Millard gestured me to be silent. "I'm still counting on guilt-tripping him into coming back here to visit as often as he can."

"Okay . . ."

"It was actually because of you that all of this even happened," she continued with a grateful smile as she grabbed my hand. "To be honest, I was worried about Sehun. I didn't know what he was going to do with his life. But he told me that you helped him find schools to apply for, and one of them happened to Jeju University in Jeju Island. Isn't that a coincidence?"

It was a coincidence. I remembered looking at the Jeju University brochure and thinking how pretty the campus was. Of course, it was Jeju Island, so it was sunny with colorful flowers everywhere. That was actually the few I helped Sehun with. Even as we filled it out, I didn't think much of it because of his nonchalant attitude. I didn't realize how far it was and what would actually happened if Sehun got in. I didn't think it through. At all. "When is he leaving?"

"Right after graduation. His dad already got him a job at a shack on the weekends for some extra cash. His first day is a week after graduation."

"Oh." It looked like everything was already planned. But where did that leave me? Sehun had his life all set, while I still didn't know what I was doing. How irony?

Just then, the house phone rang, interrupting my daydream. Mrs. Millard went into the kitchen. "Let me get that. It might be Mark calling about dinner."

As soon as she left, I fumbled with my phone and pulled up a few airline websites. Maybe it would still be possible to visit each other and be together. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad.

Maybe.

Twenty minutes later, my phone dropped to my lap. It wasn't bad. It was really bad. Plane tickets from Seoul to Jeju were about 300,000 won round-trip ($300). Maybe 200,000 won if I booked it a few months in advance and didn't mind a stop on the way. I didn't, if it meant I could see Sehun.

Assuming that Sehun did want to give our relationship a shot, how would this work? I was already saving everything I had for rent and stuff in Seoul. I didn't have extra money to visit Sehun. And I couldn't imagine Mark giving him money to see me. Sehun would have to work overtime.

And would it even be enough? Relationships were hard enough as it was without being a thousand miles apart. Literally. Korea Uni. was 1,000 miles away from Jeju Uni. I looked it up.

Even if we could somehow work it out, he still had to use some money to visit his mom as much as he could. I couldn't take that away from her. I didn't want to distract him and have him worry about me, too. Be his burden. He had enough on his plate already. School. A new job. His family. His new relationship with his dad. This was his chance to reconnect with him. He'd waited for so long for this, and he couldn't screw any of it up.

My fist clenched around the ring necklace around my neck. I won't let him.

Slipping my phone back, I sighed. The thought of not seeing Sehun every day was painful. I was already missing him. But there were this many obstacles, this many problems now, would it be like later? It was better to end it now, here, before I - we - did something stupid. It was the best thing for everybody. Our futures were already set. Our dreams were right on course. It's just too bad that they were in opposite directions.

Making up my mind, I took off the necklace - the first time I'd taken it off since he put it on for me.

Mrs. Millard came back into the living room just as I got up. "Are you leaving already? I thought you were going to talk to Sehun?"

"No. I have to go home." My fingers ran through my hair, trying to hide the fact that I was lying. And the tears that I was fighting back. I held out the necklace to her. "Could you give this back to him for me?"

She took it from me with a confused look. "But -"

I backed up out of her reach. "I - I really have to go. Thanks for everything, Mrs. Millard."

Before she could say my name to try to call me back, I ran out of the house. I jumped into Eomma's car and drove home, all the while trying my hardest to keep the tears from pouring. Because I knew once I let them, they wouldn't stop.

When I got home, Appa was waiting for me on the front porch with a big smile on his face. In his hands was a large envelope with a Korea Uni. Law School return-address label. It was thick. Way to bulky to be a rejection letter.

Which meant that they finally accepted me. Finally, everything I had worked for, suffered for, and given up was all worth it. I got what I always wanted. My dream of going to Korea Uni. Law School and living in Seoul was finally coming true. I should have been happy. Excited.

So why did I feel so empty? Like I could practically see the thousand miles between Seoul and Jeju paved out in front of me.

Appa waved the packet around. "I wanted to wait for you to come home to celebrate, but I couldn't - wait, those aren't happy tears. Suzy, what's wrong?"

Without answering, I ran right into his arms and burrowed my face into his shoulder. All I could do was hold him tighter as the tears poured out.