Kill them with Kindness

He Still Loves Me?

Today's my first day back in high school. Ever since my friends found out I wanted to be trans they haven't talked to me so now I don't have any friends. But still I continue to smile as I walk through the halls. I used to be a cheerleader. I thought it was fun cheering for the guys. I guess now I know why i liked it so much. I am now identified as a seventeen year old gay male. I try not to see the stares as i walk along. As i walk into my first class, the noise is sucked out of the air as everyone turns and stares at me, the new me. I take a seat in the back and as i walk by people the whispers start up. I try to zone everyone out but it's hard, even the teacher was shocked.

"Who's he?"

"Isn't that Riley?"

"I heard she became trans."

"Why?"

The whispers and the stares wouldn't stop, but i had to get through the day with all the confidence i could. The rest of my classes before lunch went the same way. Then it was lunch, the part of the day i feared the most. Imagine going through the first class with all the stares and whispers, only times a hundred and people get bolder. Then i heard it, the dreaded question, asked by a stupid, clueless sophomore.

"Where's Riley?"

At that moment i heard the whole cafeteria go silent as everyone turns and stares at me. Then i see HIM, Allen Cole, the most homophobic person you could ever meet coming straight towards me.

"So Riley what did you do this summer, besides become ugly?"

"It's Roman."

"Oh sorry ROMAN. What does a trans like you even do with your life?"

"I'm sorry if I've offended you in any way but I really wish you'd get out of face please.."

Bullies like him are the reason I struggled for so long to tell my mom about wanting to be a boy... I don't understand how someone can be so rude and hateful. Mother always says "Kill them with kindness and one day they'll learn". I wish I had her compassion and her willpower to get through anything unharmed. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.

"Oh I'm sorry am I bothering you?"

I fell to the floor feeling blood gush out of my nose from where he punched me so hard. That's when I saw the last person I wanted to see. I guess it was inevitable. I couldn't ignore him forever..

"Leave him alone Allen."

I felt the tears at the brim of my eyes as I watched my ex-boyfriend, Jonah Scott, defend me against the school's biggest jerk.

"Or what? That's not Riley anymore Jonah. That's a freak."

"He's not a freak. He's human. And he's a way better person than you'll ever be. Just because Roman realized he wasn't meant to be born in a girls body doesn't mean there's something wrong with him. He doesn't deserved to be treated like this. He never did anything to you. Now leave him alone."

"Fine. Faggot."

I felt Jonah's hand on my arm and he helped me stand on my feet before leading me to the mens bathroom.

"Are you okay Roman?"

"Y-you a-accept me Jonah?"

"It was hard at first.. But I miss you more than anything. I didn't fall in love with your body, I fell in love with who you are. If that means you're a guy and I call you by a different name then so be it. I love you Roman. I always will baby."

I looked at him and started crying. I could feel the tears stinging my cheeks and his hands holding my waist while he whispered in my ear.

"I've got you love"

I buried my face in his neck. I missed being in his strong arms and listening to his steady heartbeat while we cuddled. I missed studying together and listening to him go on and on about science and the probabilities of mathematical equations. He was my cute nerd and I finally had him back. Knowing that someone who knew me before the transition still loved me made me feel normal again. When everyone knows what happened to you and what you used to be they judge you for it.

"Jonah I'm so scared.. And I feel so alone.. I miss my friends and people saying hi to me in the hallways. I miss how excited my teachers would get when I raised my hand or presented something to the class. I miss your cuddles and being with you all the time. I feel like a freak. I feel like there's something wrong with me just because I wasn't comfortable in my own body. Why am I such a freak?!"

I cried hard holding onto him, afraid he'd let go any minute. Afraid that this was all just a dream.

"Rome.. You're not a freak. You're the kindest, gentlest, most sweet guy I'll ever meet. I accept you. I love you. You're perfect to me no matter what people say. I promise i'm not going anywhere and this wasn't some stupid dare because you know i'd never do that. Rome baby.. I want you to be my boyfriend. Please?"

I blushed at his nickname for me and nodded hugging him tight. I had the love of my life back. I felt his lips against mine and I immediately kissed back eagerly.

"Mm it's actually not that different. Maybe I'm just biased"

I love that he smiled and kissed me even more. I felt his hand slide up my inner thigh and grabbed it quickly.

"What're you doing?!"

"I'm sorry... I'm just.. Curious.."

I saw that he was embarrassed and let go of his hand slowly. I'm so nervous.. What if i'm not big enough or good enough... What if he changes his mind...

"Woah.."

I gasped and clenched his shirt in my fist and he rubbed me through my jeans.

"You're really big babe"

"Oh my god stop talking about it!"

I hid my face embarrassed and felt him hug me tight. I hugged back and snuggled until the first bell rang.

"I'm late for class.."

"Okay Rome I love you. I'll drive you home okay?"

I nodded and kissed him before running to my class quickly.