The last four years. (A Nick Jonas Love story) ♥

Twenty Eight - I'm sorry

As I drive, I think about what I'm going to say to them and I come up with absolutely nothing. 

I take a deep breath as I park in front of the apartment and get out of the car before I can rethink my decision to do this. 

I get in the elevator after a mother and her child and I study the little girl, she's playing with a doll and holding her mother's hand. I shake my head at myself and get out when it's my floor. 

I stand in front of the door for a good ten minutes, debating on whether I should knock or not but decide against it. 

I push the door open and walk into the foyer, hanging my keys and my jacket up. I walk quietly into the living room and they're all sitting on the couches watching a movie. 

Lea catches sight of me first. 

"Oh my god." She jumps up and tackles me into a hug and a laugh escapes me. 

"Lee.. can't breathe." 

She pulls back and smiles at me apoligetically. "Oh my god I'm so sorry we're the worst type of friends we should of told you please forgive us I love-"

 I put my hand on her mouth to silence her rambling. 

"I came here to talk." 

The movie has been turned off and the guys are all looking at me, Darren gets up and hugs me whispering he's sorry in my ear. I smile at him and sit down by Lea. 

Chris and Nick make no move to hug me and I'm thankful for it, I don't know if I would be able to handle anything from them right at this moment. 

They're all looking at me, waiting patiently for me to say something. 

So I do, and decide to be completely honest and blunt. 

"A part of me wants to walk out of this room right now and have nothing more to do with any of you, just shut you all completely out of my life." All of their eyes get wide in alarm, and several sharp breaths are taken, Lea clutches my arm but doesn't say anything, letting me go on. 

"That part of me thinks... how could they do this. How could they keep the fact that I have a little girl from me. I talked to Caren recently and she said that Rain.. " I stop and look down, "Rain wants to know her parents. She's really.. smart and she knew that Caren and her husband weren't her parents from almost day one and she wants to know us." 

I look up at Nick and tears are in his eyes, I look away quickly. "This part of me hates my so-called friends for keeping me from possibly seeing my daughter."

 I look at all of them, in turn, my eyes lingering on Chris and Nick. 

I clear my throat and my eyes soften. 

"But the other part of me is mad at myself. For overreacting." I shake my head and look anywhere but at the four people in the room with me.

 "You guys were obviously only keeping this information to yourself because I had just lost the last four years of my life and it's huge. It's absolutely huge and now that I'm thinking about it, I wouldn't have wanted to get blind sided with this."

 I look at Nick. "It was a lot to take, but I definitely overreacted and I'm sorry." I look at Chris, and then Darren and Lea. "I love you all so much, and the part of me that is thinking you can all go fuck yourself can take a hike because you guys are my family and I understand that you were doing this to protect me." I finish and Lea hugs me tightly, she's crying and I realize Darren, Chris, and Nick are too.

 I feel hot tears run down my face and hug Lea back. 

Lea lets go and I stand up, as does Nick.

 He walks swiftly over to me and my head is quickly cradled in his hands. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry." He kisses me then, mumbling I love yous against my lips. 

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This extra update today is for the long wait... :)