An Overdue Retirement Party

The Blight Before Christmas

I

It's sure to surprise many of you toknow

That Santa's not jolly nor cares forthe snow,

Is really a cynic by God-givennature

And this is in fact his maincharacter feature;

Expected to grin, he'd down bottlesof gin

To soften for children God'svengeance for sin.

Mrs. Claus is a scold and won'tunderstand

Her husband ought not receive harshreprimand;

The reindeer speak Reindeer andcan't comprehend him

Don't question his smiles, hislaughs, or his vim;

And we helpers, the Elven, the raceI am of

See nothing but work down on Earthor Above;

And though we have watched the mansuffer his curse,

It's hard to console when we allspeak in verse.

II

Scanning the Earth Santa's gaze tooka bite

Of the globe he saw spin, he wasbored with this flight;

Most thought Christmastime could bebought in a store

And the Little Lord Jesus a piddlingbore.

That morn in December had gonetopsy-turvy;

It made St. Nick sick like a man whohas scurvy.

Little boys who were naughty oh howthey did love it,

Little girls who were nice drivenwild as they covet.

Children were buried under piles ofthings

So hardly could notice what Santadid bring-

A lot or a little, he'd play secondfiddle

To spoiling parents who stood in themiddle

'Twixt he who taught lessons anddaughters and sons

Who might have that year been suchbad little ones.

With a jerk on the reins so sharpthey went sailing

Through the air with a dawdlingDasher's legs flailing,

Down a mile in the sky in thetwinkling of an eye

Now they skimmed over ocean withwaves rolling by.

Banished to a place where frostbites and winds howl

At warm flowing water his face grewa scowl.

As penance for all of the wrongs ofmankind,

An old man forever, to such sightswas made blind.

Less one blessed night out of eachfrigid year,

So went on his unending and wretchedcareer.

Leaving Rudolf to steer Santa turnedin his seat