Of Spinning Gold and Song

| Five | The Song

By mid morning my entire lower body was already screaming in pain. I had ridden before- barely- but never long distances. After all, back when she had her wits about her, Mam had never let us ride. She was terrified of horses; many a time I'd received a severe scolding just for bringing them up.

Of course when Mam had started to morph into the useless shell she was now, my first act was to defy her and plant myself right in a horse's saddle. Immediately I had loved it. It felt like home.

I knew it didn't make any sense. How could it? But I had loved it and never wanted to get off.

Furthermore, I thought I really connected with the horse as well. The animal did everything I asked of him. As a novice, I knew literally nothing about how to ride a horse, yet I had a fine stroll that one time. And as embarrassing as it seemed, that old horse was my first companion besides Bradyn. I cried about my life, screamed about my Mam, and really poured my heart out. The poor thing had no idea what it was in for when I mounted. Yet foolish as it was, I really believed that the horse understood me.

Of course Mam's terror had ensured that we never owned such an animal; the brute had been stolen from the town's stables. Needless to say, I was in a pool of hot water when I was caught. Luckily, I was let off with a warming because of my family. Everyone in Betane knew Pap had disappeared, and knew to some extent that Mam wasn't quite herself. They might not know the full extent of her madness, but I wasn't about to tell them. I hadn't told anyone except Bradyn and his family. Even Augustin didn't know just how bad it was.

It wouldn't be wrong to say I had trust issues.

I had had to grow up so quickly. For several years after, I never came anywhere near another horse. It wasn't until I met Augustin that I went riding- really riding- for the first time. And immediately I felt that kinship; even though it was a different horse from the first, I knew we were immediate friends.

Of course even then it was only short strolls through the woods. No more than an hour, at the very most. So now, partway through the morning, my body was already crying in pain and we had days ahead of us. It didn't help that Bradyn and I were forced to sit in such close proximity, but I knew better than to complain. We were lucky enough as it was.

The sun burned high in the sky, already sweat was rolling down my skin by the bucketful. It was always humid in Lyvens, and the unexpected heat following yesterday's storm did nothing to help. The air was a wall, a thick, hot wall of moisture as tangible as my own hand. Although growing up here had ensured I be used to the heat, today was the worst of days- the ones in which I would confine myself in the cool shade of a tree with a damp washcloth draped on my forehead.

Or at least that was what I did on the best of days. Realistically, it usually meant I spent the day doing the laundry by the river and out picking berries for supper, refusing to go anywhere near the pot for stew. I had long since accepted my maternal role in the family.

The morning held few words for us. Bradyn and I were both saddened and exhausted, and our journey was only just beginning. For a long time I had dreamt of getting out of Betane, the innocent town that held such vile memories. I had imagined riding triumphantly off into the sunset, head held high, eyes to the horizon. Never had I imagined this pitiful little trip: Bradyn and me squashed next to each other on a hapless, borrowed horse as we trailed after a party that didn't want us.

Neither of us said anything for the remainder of the morning while the sun was climbing higher and higher in the sky until directly overhead. It wasn't until my stomach was threatening murder that we finally stopped. I was trying to hold myself steady, unwilling to complain or do anything that might stop our progress when my poor sister could possibly be-