Thoughts

Sorry

You hate me do you?

I can sense it in the way you talk

Wait no, we don't actually talk

We talk when we only need to

When was the last time we had a conversation?

Yesterday? a while ago? or when I woke up because you were asking me to help you?

We just talked about doing this to keep tidy

You told me how hard your life is

Well I'm sorry for being insensitive

I wish I was in your shoes so I could have ended my life and stop being miserable

Yes I am not as strong as you.

I don't hate you

I just hate myself so much

Well you weren't there when I grew up so you could shape me up to be a better person

Am I even considered as a person?

There is a lot more into that to be one.

Now that we are together 

I thought we'd be happy

But it didn't happen

So it makes me to just want to go home

And lock myself in that room and never come out forever

But wait home? I don't really think I have one.

Why do I keep making such a big fuss about this

I don't know anymore

Makes me feel so dumb, stupid, and little

I don't deserve you or even anything you have given me

I'm sorry for not cherishing it

I am deeply sorry that I am very useless

I am sorry I don't make you happy

I don't know when was the last time you smiled

Or when was the last time you were genuinely happy because of me

I love you but sorry I got used to the times I can do anything I want

That what makes me upset and make you disappointed

I am so useless

A jerk

I really don't deserve you

I just want to disappear already

Because I am failure

And I am so tired of doing nothing

Of all the years I literally didn't do anything

And just read a bunch of craps

I just wanna crumble into ashes

I wanna die

And disappear from your sight forever