I watch as he brings the knife closer and closer to my neck. The glint in his eyes tell me that he's not playing around this time, he's actually going to do it. He's going to cut me.
"NO!" I cry out, convincing myself that if I beg he won't do it.
He smiles his evil smile as the blade touches my neck and I scream awake.
My mom comes rushing into the room to make sure I am OK. I turn back over once she leaves but don't fall back asleep. How could I with a dream like that still looming in the back of my mind?
When my alarm clock goes off about two hours later I get up and start getting ready for school. I shower, washing my hair twice, like always, making sure any hint of oil from the previous day is gone. I get out and pull out my hair dryer, making sure to blow the mirror first to get rid of any traces of water vapor. Once that is out of the way I begin working on my hair, drying it and making sure there are no fly-aways. During this whole charade I make sure not to stare at the scars lining my neck and chest. I know that if my eyes linger on them for too long I will begin to cry again so I continue on to my make up.
When I get dressed I make sure not to wear anything too revealing. Though everyone in school already knows about "the incident", I still don't like to let the scars show so that everyone looks at me with pity in their eyes. The last thing I need is their pity. I put on a simple t-shirt and a pair of Capri's that just barely cover the scars that also engulf my legs.
I go downstairs to see my mother reading the newspaper and drinking her coffee. How cliché.
She looks up and smiles, saying her good mornings before I walk out to my car. I get in and speed down the road toward my school.
The day goes by just like any other. I walk the halls with no one looking at me except the occasional pity stare, which I kindly return with a glare. I sit in the back of the room in every class so the only person that can see me is the teacher, and even then they know not to look directly into my bright orange eyes. At lunch I make sure I check the garden in the courtyard before going to sit there to eat my apple. When the final bell rings, signaling the end of the day I rush to my car.
When I get there I let out a huge breath that I feel like I've been holding in all day. I drive to the park nearby that very few people know about and go into the restroom to change into my basketball shorts and cut off. This is the only place that I am willing to let so much skin show and that's only because I don't know what I would do if I didn't run everyday.
I come out of the bathroom and head to the little track that circles the track. I stick the earphones to my IPOD into my ears and begin to run. I get about half way around the track before I notice that someone else has also began running pretty close behind me.
My first instinct is to run faster and get in my car as fast as possible to get rid of the threat behind me, but I stay at the same speed. My therapist has told me that I cant view the entire world as a threat so that's what I'm doing, I'm being optimistic.
