We stare into each other's eyes for what seems like an eternity before the doctor comes in and tells Matt that he is ready to leave. To be honest I am really surprised that he is allowed to leave so quickly, but Matt just tells me that he doesn't stay because there really isn't much that they can do for him in the hospital except give him meds for the constant pain.
"How bad is the pain all the time?" I ask, actually curious.
"It used to be a lot worse, when it first started. I kind of think that it got better because I got used to it, and that in reality it is simply the same. Now it is just a dull roar in the back of my mind, constantly reminding me of what I am going through and what is bound to happen to me."
I reach up and gently press my palm to the side of his neck, feeling the slow and steady pulse of his heart. Standing here right now, feeling his pulse, I almost can't believe that he is bound to die in such a short time.
He leans into my hand letting out a content full sigh.
"That feels so good," he whispers.
"What does?"
He opens up his eyes and smiles at me.
"When you touch my the pain disappears. Where ever your hand lies the pain just goes away."
"Is it that way when anybody touches you?" I ask hesitantly.
"No..." he sighs again, a blush creeping into his cheeks.
"Oh." I say and move my hands from his neck to his cheeks, then to his hands, and any other exposed piece of flesh, because I couldn't stand the thought of him being in pain. The whole time my hands roamed his eyes were closed, his breathing even, and a small smile playing on the edges of his lips.
I watch his face the whole time, trying to memorize ever contour of his face, every small line on his perfect forehead. Even though he told me that he had only a year left to live, I feel as if it was tomorrow, and even though I barely know this boy laying next to me, I know that when he dies, a small part of me will die with him. The thought is unbearable, and so I push it out of my mind and continue to run my hands across his face and hands, anything to make him feel just the tiniest bit better.
I know I told you it would be longer but I wanted to get another part out.
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Thanks so much for those who are being supportive!!
