The Butterfly Effect (Rewritten)

Chapter Ten - The Monster At the End of This Book

I sat on the ground of the cellar, hugging my knees as my body trembled. Strange. I thought. I'm dead, and I still feel every loss.

Jason was the one to find Harper. A loud crash from upstairs had echoed throughout the house before he found her.

He had to break in.

I watched as every part of his resolve disintegrate while he tried desperately to save the love of his life. It was too little, too late. She was long dead before Jason made it here. He dialed 9-1-1 and held Harper's body in his arms when he realized CPR wouldn't work anymore. I had never seen Jason cry like that before. I never wanted to see it again.

"Please, baby, come back to me," he pleaded, caressing her blue-tinged face, "not you too... Please come back," he sobbed, burying his face in her hair and rocking.

The police and EMTs arrived on the scene a few minutes later, and their faces said what words could not. I rose from the dusty ground and climbed the stairs on numb legs. I passed officers making their way in and out of the house. I stepped over the shards of glass that had exploded across the wooden floors from the window Jason shattered. I crossed the porch as the EMTs rolled a stretcher and an empty body bag into the house. I stood beside a weeping willow tree and stared at the cops taking statements from neighbors on the other side of the yellow caution tape. The lights of the police cars and ambulance colored every face of the growing crowd in red, white, and blue. I could hear nothing except my own blank mind.

"Some say suicide is a coward's escape."

I spun around to her, seething. "I'm not a coward! You wanna know what's cowardly? Making someone feel so horrible that they want to die!"

Divina simply nodded in agreement, oblivious to my fury. "You're right, suicide isn't cowardly, but it is selfish."

"What gives you the right?" I roared. "You can forget about trying to convince me to choose life! I'm done! I wanted to die and I got my wish! I'm not responsible for the aftermath! They get what they deserve!"

"You're speaking from pain, not logic."

"You don't know the slightest thing about me! I'd rather have my soul destroyed than not being able to look anyone in the eye, knowing exactly what their death could have been! What am I supposed to do if my parents don't lock me up in a mental ward? Do you want me to make friends with Harper's mom? Do you expect me to show up at school as the girl who tried to kill herself? The girl who everyone is calling a pornstar?

God, forget school! I can't even show my face in public anymore after that video! No! I'm not living with that! I couldn't take the stares already! What makes you think I could take it a thousand times worse? I'd have to change my name, move away, hide - everything would be gone, Divina! I want to be dead, so let me die!"

"Then as you take your life, you take the ones of those who loved you the most," Divina divulged.

"I'd hardly call it love with some of them."

"But they cared, did they not?" the Reaper countered.

"Divina," my voice broke, "give me one good reason why I should go back. What's one good thing in my future that's worth living for? I just need something."

Her imperious eyes focused in on me, but I didn't back down. "It would be best if we finish our journey before making rash decisions."

"Finish," I repeated with disdain, "what do you mean finish? There's no one left. We've seen the future of everyone I know."

"Each suicide affects at least six people."

"Who else is left? You showed me Jason, Megan, Mom, Dad, and Harper. Who's missing?"