Lords & Ladies of the M'Verse: An Ooorah Anthology

Day 22 - Gunnut's A Monday Eggtastrophy

A Monday Eggtastrophy

by Gunnut

Living in the heart of the Human Empire was like watching the passing of the moon; bright and majestic in the night sky, but sad, lonely, and haunting. Earth was like that now. Science fiction always liked to put it as though humanity would always have a special place in its heart for Earth, even when they'd travel millions of lightyears away, but sadly that was not the case.

Earth was no jewel, not anymore, and those that lived on it, were often more unlucky than lucky. With humans spread out everywhere in the larger galaxy, what then does a small, strip mined, tiny ball of dirt have any meaning for? Nothing, it would seem.

Dr Egg, first name Benedict, thought it was expected. Egg lived on Earth, in the city of Grimoire, right over the remains of what had once been New York City. It was named as such because there was an urban myth that if you dug deep into the ruins of the Old World beneath Grimoire, you would find the source of all evils in the world.

Dr Egg always figured it meant public transport. Small enclosed space squished up against hundreds of other people? Who would design such an evil thing? Well, Dr Egg would know. You see Dr Egg was a professor of Kale's Educational Dollar-For-An-Hour Humanitarian Arcology, Dollar-For-An-Hour abbreviated to the simple $ icon, for Human Neurogenic Communication of Old People.

From studies he did of the Old People population that had remembered the People-Used-To-Walk-To-Places Era, Public Transport was the bane of their existence. Dr Egg had thought that this was something indicative of the era. As whereas in this era a newborn baby can access the teleportation grid and go on an around the world journey within days, the people of the past era preferred a more slow and methodical approach to their life. It also affirms Dr Eggs Bunions-Of-Steel theory that everybody from that time frame was fit, due to their utter distaste of public transportation.

Dr Egg hated it too, and his kind of public transport didn't have contact with other human beings. Oh, Dr Egg is rambling. You'll have to forgive Dr Egg that, he always rambles; especially when those rambles have something to do with Dr Egg himself.

Dr Egg took a sip of the cup of lukewarm coffee left lying on his desk. It's heavy bitter taste caused a shudder to reverberate all throughout his spine. The scientist replaced the cup with a pen and began writing down his observations.

Coffee sucks. He signed his observation with his name written in cursive - you can never forge cursive after all, and filed his paperwork under the 'Inane objections' folder his secretary had made for him.

There was a knock on his door. A happy cry of "Dr Egg!" was heard as Bethany strode into the room, a manila folder tucked underneath her arm. She stopped a few inches from him and patted his bald head, then with the exuberance of a child, she thrust the folder into his chest. "Constable Causland asked me to give this to you."

Dr Egg grunted and accepted the folder graciously. Bethany made a gasp sound when she saw the Coffee on his desk. "Is that actual caffeine?!" She said in wonderment, and with extreme curiosity, she jabbed a finger into the black liquid to see if it really was the illegal substance. Almost immediately she pulled it back, and she cradled her finger as though she had enacted the gravest of sin.

"A possible alternative to caffeine yes. I don't have nearly enough clout to be able to access the black market and get actual coffee," Dr Egg said grouchily. "It tastes terrible."

"Well, it's not hot?" Bethany tried.

Dr Egg stared at her dubiously. "Why would that matter?"