regrets?

regrets? / Part 15

I lay in Cameron's bed, scrolling through my Instagram feed. I look at the clock: 11:45. I should sleep soon, I need energy for tomorrow's hike. I put my phone down. I'm about to turn off the lamp on the bedside table when I hear Ethan's voice.

"Hey, can we talk?" he asks.

"Sure. Where's Gray?"

"He's editing the video we shot today." Ethan says. He sits down on the edge of the bed as I sit up.

"What do you want to talk about?" I ask, already knowing what he's going to say.

"I wanted to talk about last night. Gray says he's going to talk to you about it at some point, too. But it's been bugging me all day. I just want to talk about it so I don't have the weight on my shoulders anymore."

"I know what you're going to say, and don't worry. I'm not going to ask to start a serious relationship with either of you. It was a one time thing." I keep my voice steady as I say what I think he wants to hear. On the inside my heart hurts as the words roll off my tongue. I had tried hard to hide the feelings from myself, but at this moment they all came flooding out from the dark hole I had stuffed them in.

I knew from the moment I saw him walk up behind Grayson that I liked him. I knew from the moment he started talking that I was going to fall for him. And I knew from the moment I kissed him on that couch that I was never going to be able get enough of him and be happy with it. He had something that Grayson didn't, I just couldn't put it into words. I wanted to be with him, but I would never admit that.

"Oh, um, ya.... Glad you understand." He gets up and walks towards the door. I watch him go, my heart breaking. The back of my eyes start to sting and I wait for him leave. When I hear the door click shut, silent tears start to stream down my face. My voice shudders as I take a deep breath in to calm myself.

I slowly lay back down in the bed and turn off the light. Pulling the covers up, I shut my eyes and hope for sleep to come.