I've been beaten, bruised, and abused. Every night I fell asleep with a new shade of purple covering a random spot of my body. After years and years of it, I learned that I both loved and loathed the many shades of purple.
It was a beautiful color, but it meant so much more to me, pain, confusion. As I grew up I tried so hard to make friends, and sometimes it worked, but not permanently. They all left me. No matter how hard I tried they abandoned me, with purple bruises.
In highschool I still yearned for friendship, but also something a bit more complicated, love. I no longer had purple bruises because people were getting suspicious, but it wouldn't change how I already grew up and felt. Especially because emotional scars last deeper and longer than physical.
Well, to say the obvious nobody stayed with me through highschool. They'd use me, in friendship and relationships. I felt useless, unimportant. I was so close to committing suicide. In senior year though, I started to not feel sad anymore, in fact I felt nothing.
Not sadness, anger, nothing. I felt numb. I didn't understand it, but I started losing weight too. I now realize what it was, I was mentally ill, I had depression. Senior year was the start of my transformation though, so even though I felt nothing, I slowly changed. I felt angry and the need for love.
Compassion was all I ever wanted. From my family, but that obviously didn't happen. From my friends, also didn't happen. And from a lover, and I was certain I would at least find love. I craved it, still do.
I had no idea what was in store for me though. I just knew that I needed love, no matter the cost.
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