Nightshade ~ namjin

Alive

Namjoon and I decided a few days later to go on a date. We're going to the peer next to the ocean. There's food and games we can do together.

      He's so sweet, he's been busy but he made time to call and arrange a date. He's been working on a new song lately, maybe he can show me once it is complete. For now though, I set my focus to looking like a model.

       He decided to come pick me up tonight. I see his black car pull into the drive. I walk out and step into his car. It's a newer model, but I couldn't tell you what type. I'm really not a car person but it was nice.

     Before we start on are way he grabs a arrangement of purple flowers and gives them to me. They were in a case with water so he said they would be okay in the car while in our date. Their was a lilac branch, some lavender, and a few white daisies alongside the purple flowers.

So here I am, at 9pm dressed in my purple jacket and black jeans, walking down the path. I'm holding Namjoon's warm, soft hand. I feel at ease, this is what I want.

We play some typical games you would see at any fair or amusement park. Like throwing the darts at the balloons, or aiming a water gun at the target. Namjoon and I both kinda sucked but it was fun.

       I felt less eyes on me because I was with someone, I felt safe. For the first time in a long time. I hope Namjoon doesn't do me wrong, it's a bit too early to tell if I can trust him. I don't want him to end up like the people in the past have.

       The ocean is beautiful at night, with the stars shining and light wisps of clouds covering some of the moon. The smell of the fresh water. The waves crashing on the the sandy beach shore. It was perfect. The night was cool, but not cold. Namjoon kept close to me the whole time.

He decided that we could hangout at his house and watch some horror movies. Once we got to his cozy apartment, we started setting up. He grabbed blankets and pillows and built a small fort on his huge couch. As he was busy with that, I was impatiently waiting for the popcorn to be done.

I listened to him as he hummed a little tune to himself. It was cute, he is like a big teddy bear.

       After finishing up all that we sat down in a warm, soft, cuddly heap on the couch. Side by side we started the movie. I never really watch horror films so I don't know what to expect from it.

     Ten minutes in and people are already screaming. They're being chased inside of this old apartment building. Goosebumps appear on my skin. I know those screams are fake but my mind flashes to the people I've killed. I shudder, and lean closer to Namjoon trying to rid my bad thoughts.

      They don't leave though. They stay, the voices are taunting me. Screaming bloody murder, literally.

Evil

Disgrace, you'll never be loved

     I grip my hair, I'm breathing heavily. I faintly hear Namjoon telling me something, but I can't hear him. All I can hear, feel, and understand is the screaming. Too much screaming.

     I start to shake, my body goes almost completely numb. Tears stream down my face. I can breathe easy again.

Why? Why did I take out everything on them? My pain, anger, sadness. They didn't deserve it.

Every direction, I could hear them. Some more echoing, others right up close. I can't escape it.

They couldn't either, I'm evil.

      I'm just barely aware that I'm in Namjoon's arms. My stomach drops, I just had a panic attack in front of him. The only person that has liked me in forever. My only companion thinks I'm psycho. I guess it's for the better though. I shouldn't lead people on.

I don't deserve him, he shouldn't want me. I can't hurt him, he's too precious. I don't think he's too pure, but he's too good to be good for me.

Too bad that's all I need.

I think I should let him go.
I need to let him go.