Present Entries

July 16, 12:49am

All I wanted was you.

That's only half true. I wanted to be happy under my own terms. Unfortunately the universe does not revolve around me and I can't have everything I want.
I've never been so hung up over a person. Why is he so special? Why is he so different? What makes this, him, any different from the others.
When I think of his smile, my chest clenches and my heart spasms or something.

All I wanted was you.

You mean so much to me, man. And I'm sitting here in my car thinking about you for thousandth time today. Is that pathetic? I think so. You're so fucking perfect to me. That smile, that laugh, that hair, those eyes. That cute indent in your chin, the way you talk about the ones you love. I love how you delve into the belief of something else out there. There's bonds and spirits and so many other things that most of us cannot comprehend but you. You can. And you do. And it's so cute when you talk about it on and on and on and I could listen to you talk about it for hours.

All I wanted was you.

That note in the song, the note is so beautiful and it makes me chest tighten because it makes me think of how beautiful and funny and sweet you are. That one note is nothing compared to what you mean to me.

A thought hit me.

There are probably times when you don't respond all day because you're with him, in his bed, his hands around your neck and down between your legs and you're having a great time. And all I'm left to do is check my phone every now and then only to see that you still haven't responded. I promote trust and individuality. But I know you're with him.
I know you're not with me. I know you're not obligated to message me back. But I'm allowed to hurt. I'm allowed to complain quietly in my car at 1:00am.
I know I have to suck it up and get over you eventually. But when will my brain let me?

All I want is you.