~BTS Imagines~

Suga- Let me burn in my suffering

I sat on the edge if the bed, solitude becoming my friend as silence pierced my skin like needles. I fondle with the small blue cylinder in my hand, almost caressing it more like as my eyes locked onto it. I flicked the switch, watching the sparks ignite the beautiful orange flame. I watch as it danced in my hand, feeling the heat kissing my finger tips.

Memories began to linger of her... How she was like this flame. She was always so bright, gave me this warm sensation when ever she was ever so close to me. Her kisses gave me sparks of life, the ignitor to my flame. But like all flames, they soon die off and leave nothing but ashes and the lingering smoke to leave the burned memories stained on your clothes, your skin, your mind.

I bite my lip as pain, of not the flame, but of memories begin to stab at my skull. My mind wanted to burst as tears poured down my cheeks and dripped from my chin like a broken faucet. A tear slides off and makes the flame die away with a hiss, my open hand gripping my chest as I exhale shakily.

Why did you leave me... Why?

I gripped the lighter and began to sob, gripping my pale white hair before throwing the lighter to the ground. I throw myself back on the bed, curling up in a ball as I sobbed my heart out.

You were my everything...
I hate you..

I grip onto the sweater I let her wear.. her scent lingering on it still as I held it close to my chest. I felt like a child holding onto his priced possesion, not wanting to let it go.
My phone vibrates and I take it out, finding that Namjoon was trying to get a hold of me.

I cared about you, but you threw me away...
I hate you...

For days I wouldnt go to any of my friends rehearsals, they've been trying to contact me in anyway possible. But after she let me go, the world and society let go of me also. I ignored his text and laid on my back, staring at the pale blue ceiling as I bite my lip in thought. I get up and go over to my dresser, opening it to find the gifts shes given me, along with the letters she gave back to me. I kneel down and grabbed my lighter and sat back down on the bed, igniting the flame as I open each love letter.

Im scared to go back to you and get hurt again...
I hate you..

I watched as the flame grew larger once the paper was ignited, beginning to feel love again. I smirked softly at the aroma of burnt paper and ink, my lust for the flame grew more and more. I burn each letter until there was nothing left, looking at the burnt ashes on the floor board. I bite my lip again and look at my lighter, standing up as I grab my jacket.

I go to my car and opened the trunk, taking out the gasoline container. I shake it lightly, nodding my head at the fact it was half way full. I go back upstairs slowly, gripping the container tightly as I open my door. I go back to my bedroom and look at everything, putting the can down as I go over to my photo wall. I look at each one and grab one particular photo, putting it in my chest pocket. I grab my notebook and pen, my hands shaking as I re think my target to achieve.
I start to write, my heart racing as I quicken my writings pace.

I loved you.. I loved you so much... But I guess it was too much.

I look over the letters twice, noticing something tapping on the paper. It was my tears. Why was I crying?
I wipe my tears from my cheeks and quickly put a letter into each envelope, writing them to the addresses I wanted to send them to. I go back out of my room and went down to the mailbox, slipping them in through the slot before running back upstairs to my apartment.

I slam and locked the door, grabbing the gas canister as I take one more look at the bedroom. I began to hum softly and pour gas on the floor, swinging the can about as I let it cover the spots I wanted. I go to the bed and dump the rest on it.

I gave you everything and let you throw it all away..
I hate you.

I go into the kitchen and grab my box of matches, running back. I slowly walked into my room, standing in the middle of the gasoline covered surfaces. I kneeled down, my hands shaking as I try to light a match. I look at the flame once it ignites, allured by its orange glow before I let it drop.

I stand up and back away as I watch the flame ignites the army of orange dancers, watching them grow around me as they trail where the gasoline soaked. I closed my eyes and inhale my new oxygen, letting the smoke linger through my nose as the furniture and other trinkets began to melt and burn. I turned towards my bed, holding my lighter in my shaking hand as I let my mind take away everything except my temptations of right now.

I love you guys.. Namjoon, Taehoung, Jungkook, Jimin, Jin, Hope..

I flick the lighter, looking at the flame before I drop it on the gas covered sheets, watching as it bursts into flames.

My chest began to hiccup, asking for oxygen as blackened smoke allured around me. I ignore my begging body and inhale the black smoke, coughing as I began to suffocate.
I teared up from the smoke and put my hand on my chest, my thumb grazing over the photo of my brothers, my family.. my only family.

So please.. dont stop me any longer... Just let me go..

I take a shaky step towards the bed, beginning to hear others screaming outside of my depressive world. I felt something pulling me back, but I shoved it away and turned my back towards the bed.

I take a step back and fall, my back laying against the soft covers as flames become my blanket. My body wanted to scream at the agony, but that agony became pure bliss as I smiled. I look up at the ceiling and exhaled slowly, closing my eyes as the flames ingulf me into me eternal sleep.

And let me burn in my suffering.