Lights Will Guide You Home / Luke Hemmings AU

Chapter 1

Today is the day. The day I die. And in all honesty, I couldn't be happier. They always say it will get better, that there's always someone to talk to, but that's never been true about me. I've spent so long pretending I'm okay, how could I ever admit that really I'm the furthest possible place away from there? A single tear rolls down my cheek and I can't help but think of everything and everybody I will miss. But they won't miss me, so what does it matter? The voices finally have taken over completely - I am no longer in control and so this is my time to go. Goodbye, cruel world as they always say. This couldn't be more true right now. The plan is all in place: my parents are both working all day, my friend all went camping this weekend, Lexi's in uni anyway - nobody to get in my way.

I made my way to my bathroom picking up Buddy (my blade) for the last time and taking him through to my bedroom where I wrote my note:

 "This was my road to ruin, and you started at my end"

To be honest, I never thought it would get this far, but guess what? The demons won. The voices. The bullies. And to be even more honest, I think this will be the happiest time I will have in a long time.

To the 4 friends in my life that seemed to care (Demi, Sam, Dan and Josh): Thank You. For everything. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't even have lasted this long, but enough is enough. I'm not worth you worrying about me if you even did, and there are people way more important than me in your lives; whether they've always been in them, are in them now, or will be. They will be so much more special to you than me, and all I ask of you is one thing, remember that today I was smiling, more genuine than ever, and that's the way I want you to remember me, smiling at everything, especially if you've seen me smiling for real. If you choose to remember me, that's the thing I want you to remember. I just want to emphasise this though: do not cry for me, and don't beat yourself up because of it. There was nothing that could have been done to stop this, this is all I've wanted for a while. Yeah there were a few warning signs I guess (nobody's that bad at crossing roads really, that's why I chose to die like this, forgive me for the sadisticness - is that a word?), but how are you ever supposed to tell your friends something like this? Anyways, none of that matters now, all you really need to know is that I love you. I really do. So much. So thank you all, I can never put into words how much you mean to me. I hope that one day when you've lived out your lives to an appropriate age that I will meet you again in heaven or hell or wherever we end up, and I'll watch over you and look forward to that day for the rest of your lives. Again: I love you so much.

Mother, father: I'm truly sorry for this. I love you so much, but I never fit into this world, not really. And so I must leave. Look after each other, and Lexi too. I could never ask for a better family, but everything was all to much for me, so please promise me you'll look after each other forever, keep each other close. Lexi, you are truly one of the best people in my life and you're so beautiful; never forget that. Your smile is one of the brightest and prettiest things in existence, please don't let it go, for me.

To everybody else that didn't exactly hide how much they didn't give a fuck about me: Goodbye. Have a good life. But in the future pay more attention to what you're saying to people because you never know what a person thinks  when you say something that could be taken in many different ways depending on the person's emotions at that time. So be warned.

Now, to everybody who suffers from any sort of mental health problem, self-harms, is suicidal etc: please get help. I didn't and now look at me. You can fight the demons and win, I know you're stronger than me. And there will always be somebody that cares that you can talk to. I know it's hard but try talking to somebody even if it's only on the internet or something - it doesn't have to be face to face conversation if that's what's scaring you. Stay strong, keep fighting - you are not as worthless or pathetic as you think. In the eyes of the most important people in your lives you are a perfect 10, so keep on trucking sunshine, you'll get better, as long as you talk to somebody. And to Luke Hemmings, I sat next to you all through English and Maths - I've seen your 'artwork' when your bracelets slip out of place... please know you're perfect to a lot of people, and if this is the day I die, I have a confession to make: you are the most adorable person to me - when you absentmindedly doodle cute little things all over your work when you're not really concentrating, it's one of the cutest things ever. You deserve somebody very special so please stay strong for them. And that message goes out to anybody fighting addictions, urges and problems. I love you all too.

In conclusion, this is my time to go. I love you all, but don't ever say this was for attention. This is the last resort and what use would there be with attention if I were dead anyway? Anyways, goodbye to you all, keep on living - do what I wasn't strong enough to do, because you are so loved.

Oh and to the driver that hit me, I'm sorry - you are not to blame and I really hope that everybody knows that. I've been working on this for so long that I know it will have been impossible for you to not hit me. I am the one to blame, and so to you I am truly sorry.

Farewell,

Amelia Grace

Well that was longer than I expected. Oh well, not like people will read it anyway. I pick up Buddy for the last time, taking off the cardigan that was hiding all my scars, taking him into my hands and re-opening every one again, adding probably about 50 extra not so deep ones in the clear space all over the area of both arms, along with 10 very deep ones on my left wrist. It felt so good, the familiar cold metal gliding across my skin: my true best friend making me feel human again as I watched my blood trickle down my arms, staining my clothes as it dripped onto those too. But, if this was to be the last time I'd get the chance to do this, might as well make an impact, no?

Content with all of my fresh cuts, I pick up my now tear and blood stained note and placed it just inside the front door, putting my earphones in and blasting my favourite sad songs full volume into my ears. As I walk over to my chosen place of death, Therapy by All Time Low is the last thing I hear before impact. However, it wasn't quite enough to kill me straight away. Great. As I open my eyes and they start focusing, I see the one and only Luke Hemmings hovering over me, pulling my earphones out and muttering sorry repeatedly.

"It's fine Lukey, there was nothing you could do" I croaked, a light chuckle leaving my lips. "Sing me to my sleep?"

And his voice was the last thing I heard before I slipped into unconsciousness, the beautiful sound of his voice singing Fix You by Coldplay leaving me smiling as I died

_______________________________________________________________________

So this sorta sucks, and I don't really know where I'm going with this and it probably will make no sense but it's an idea that I've had for a while so yeah, thank you! :)