The Back Of My Head

Chapter 3 - Andy Finds Out

ANDY’S POV

I woke up in my bed with the biggest headache. Hungover. I wonder how I got home last night. I don’t remember a thing. I’m sure I’ll get texts later telling me all the stupid things I did last night. I got up, no one was home. Hmmm...twelve-thirty, everyone’s probably running errands or something. I had a quick shower and a coffee to shake off my hangover. Since Bradie’s not here I should check out his room. He’s always in there these days; maybe I can find out what’s wrong with him. The first thing I noticed was a blood stain on the carpet next to his desk and on the desk was a pair of scissors with what looked like blood on them. Is he cutting himself? No way, Bradie’s not that kind of guy. But, he has been acting differently lately. Maybe he is... I know what else I can look at! His browser history! Who’s cooped up in their room all the time and not on their laptop? I opened up Google Chrome and went to the browser history. Oh boy, what I found made my stomach feel like it fell out my butt. He’s been on all these gay sites, not porn ones but ones about being confused and such. Is he bi-curious? Or just full-on gay? Fuck, this is life changing! I picked up my phone, I was about to call Shaun but then I thought about it for a second. It’s obviously a huge secret of his. He’s even cutting himself because it makes him feel so shit. I decided not to tell Shaun. Instead I waited until Bradie got back, just to have a conversation with him about it.

I was sitting on the couch with the TV on not really watching it because I was too busy thinking how I’d approach Bradie about this. Just then I heard a car pull into the drive-way. Then a couple of seconds later Bradie walked inside, not really acknowledging my existence. He sat on the couch on the other side of the room not looking at me, I cleared my throat. Here we go.

“You okay?” I asked him.

“Yeah,” he replied in a hoarse tone, he actually looked like he had been crying and looked like he hadn’t slept in a week.

“Don’t lie, you’re not okay,” I said staring at him, “and I know why.”

He looked directly at me after I said the last part.

“No you don’t,” he said quickly and hoarser than before.

“I do,” I sternly told him, “and it’s okay.”

“You have no idea,” he said with tears in his eyes turning to leave the room.

I stopped him from leaving; he wasn’t getting away from this talk that easily.

“Bradie, stop alright. You’re allowed to feel like this; no one judges you,” I started explaining.

“Please stop,” Bradie said on the verge of bursting into tears. I don’t blame him, coming out would be one of the hardest things to do.

“No, because I want you to know that it’s okay. I’m here for you mate,” I told him, “you’re gay, aren’t you?”

He looked me in the eyes and burst into tears. I take that as a yes. I lead him into my bedroom and we both sat on my bed. I had to take him out of the lounge room because if mum and dad come home I know they’d want to know what’s wrong.

Bradie sat on my bed with his head in his hands letting his hurt and frustration out.

“So, I take it you are gay...” I looked at him and he nodded keeping his head down.

I sighed. I honestly would never have thought Bradie would end up being the gay one in our band. I would’ve bet everything I own on Shaun.

“You sure? Maybe you’re bi-curious...” I questioned.

“I’m sure I’m...gay, Andy,” he answered having trouble saying the word “gay”.

“And I’m okay with that and everyone else would be too,” I explained.

“Doubt it. How’d you find out?” Bradie asked me finally looking at me.

“I looked through your browser history, I know that’s private, but I was heaps worried about you,” I explained hoping he wouldn’t be mad.

“It’s okay, made it easier for me, I didn’t actually have to tell you,” Bradie nervously smiled at me.

“Maybe we should tell mum and dad…” I started but he cut me off.

“No way am I telling them!” Bradie stood up with a flash.

“Why not?” I questioned, “you know they won’t care, we could tell Shaun for practice first, if you want.”

“No, I’m not telling Shaun,” he said nervously, “I’d rather tell mum and dad than him.”

“Why? Shaun’s your best mate,” I stated.

“I just don’t want him to know, okay!” Bradie exclaimed and left the room.

Why was he so against telling Shaun? I’m pretty sure he’s not a homophobe. I’m gonna get Bradie to come out no matter how hard it is. If he keeps bottling things up, who knows what he’ll do? He could even do something like commit suicide. That’s something I don’t wanna think about.