It's not what it seems

8

(Okay, since I finally got my internet back and I want to celebrate that with you I just give you another chapter, which is very special, because, well... you read the way I work... so... anyway, enjoy it please. -Moonwolf) 

A few days after the funeral I noticed something about Steve. It was like he was withdrawing himself from us. From all of us. I wanted to talk to him but he seemed to avoid me the most. Also, he looked kinda sad, and I was afraid he blamed himself for what had happened to Clint. I didn't want him to feel like that, none of us did, because it wasn't his fault. And of course Sharon had left, scolding him for dragging her into this. Saying it was his fault she was on the list for brainwashing by the Mad-Titan Thanos. This of course made him feel even worse. Wanda saw how much I was worrying about him, and she decided to talk to me about it. I was a little reluctant at first, but I had to talk to somebody. "So, how are you?" she asked me. "I'm fine," I answered out of habit. "Are you sure about that?" I sighed, "No." "Then, how are you really?" "Honestly? Pretty bad." "Why?" "I'm worried about Steve." She nodded, "I noticed that, that's why I asked you how you're doing. Why are you so worried?" "Well, he doesn't talk to anyone, or well... almost doesn't talk to anyone and... he looks so sad, like he blames himself for what happened to Clint and I just want to talk to him about it but he's avoiding me and... It does kinda hurt that he's avoiding me, but I'm also worrying about what he's doing to himself, about what he's telling himself. I don't want him to feel guilty about something that isn't his fault." She nodded, "I understand that, we all worry about him. You even more because you like him of course." I looked away, "You know, after all what happened I'm kind of confused about that." "I'm pretty sure you'll come to like him again." "How so?" "Because I made a bet with Tony, Thor, Sam and Bucky and I don't want to lose it." I smiled, "You're weird." She shrugged, "Oh well, nobody is normal. Anyway, if you want to talk to Steve, he's in his room right now." She walked off.

She clearly wanted me to talk to him, god knows why. So I decided to go to his room. I knocked on his door. "Who's there?" I heard him say. He sounded just as bad as he had looked the few times I had seen him after the funeral. "It's me," I said. "Natasha?" "Who else?" I heard him sigh, "Why are you here?" "To talk, can I come in?" "Can't we talk like this?" "Not very personal, is it?" He sighed again, "Fine, come in." I did and sat down next to him on his bed. "So, what you want to talk about?" "You." "Me?" "Yes, you." "Why that?" I looked him in the eye, something he'd been trying to avoid. "Because I'm worried about you Steve," I said softly. "You're worried about me?" "Yes, just look at yourself... you look terrible, you barely eat, and you look like you haven't slept in days. What's wrong Steve?" "It... it's nothing really." "I don't believe that for a second." "Well that's your fault." "Steve I know somethings wrong. Why don't you trust me and tell me?" He looked me over for a while and it felt like an hour before he finally answered, while in reality it was just a minute. "I... I do not sleep indeed. I have nightmares Nat. I hear his voice, Thanos's. It... it's scary, he tells me what I should do, he makes me do it too. And I don't want it, I try to fight it but I can't I'm too weak. Every night I dream about that, and almost every night I relive the moment in which I killed Clint." "Steve, that wasn't you, it was Thanos who killed him." "Only because I was too weak to fight him." "Steve, even the gods can't fight him, remember when Loki came to earth? When he almost destroyed New-York?" "How could I forget, I met a whole gang of idiots thanks to that." "Don't you mean I met a whole gang of idiots?" He smiled ever so slightly. "Maybe." "The thing is, he was brainwashed by Thanos at the time and since he wasn't strong enough to find him, no one expected you to be strong enough. You're just a human Steve. A super-soldier yes, but a human still." He looked down, then, softly, he asked me, "You really don't blame me?" "Why would I?" "It... it where my hands that sliced his throat." "Your hands maybe, but not your actions. No Steve, I don't blame you." Then, almost out of nowhere, he hugged me. "Thank you," he whispered, and it sounded like he was crying, "Thank you Natasha. I... I can't express how relieved I am." "Relieved, why?" "I thought you'd hate me after what I did." "We both know I could never hate you. You're my friend."