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written on 1 - 1 - 14 at 12:56 am
that's the start, dear you. wanting it is about fifty percent of getting better, i believe.
at some point i just looked at myself and realised that there's no use in it.
yes, you're getting thin. but your self image won't even allow you to see it. you're trying to reach a goal, but never achieve it. you believe it's going to make you happy but in the end it's the most miserable time you have. on top of that i always ended up in a clinic, forced to gain weight.
i have wasted four years of my life with losing weight, end up in a clinic and then gain the weight back.
and then at some point i started to realise what i put my family, boyfriend and friends through. that was when i decided i just couldn't go back to my eating disorder anymore.
when i first realised all this, i felt even more hopeless than before. cause i didn't know anymore who i was without my ed. it meant i had to start fighting against it. i didn't believe what everyone told me, that you'll get used to eating again and that things would get easier with time, as long as i kept fighting against it. but it did. it really did get easier with time. it's not easy at all, but dear you, it's absolutely worth it. i'm able to feel the sun on my skin again, to feel the rain and wind. i became me again. i wish you the same
YOU ARE READING
flaws
Poetry❝ you really are wonderful, i hope you know ❞ words exchanged between two friends in times of sadness [ co-written with melina c': ] poetry #2 ( 1 - 8 - 14 )
