Five Stages of Exit

Chapter 2

It was a Saturday and I had no work at the Library. Christine will be staying with her grandmother for a whole week and I, on the other hand had nothing to do all day but stay at home. I was debating on whether or not to go to the Library to see if Russel is there when Christine's voice appeared inside my head and told me how stalkerish that is so I slammed the idea down. I instead went to the living room to find my little sister sitting at the sofa, quietly reading a book. I dropped myself beside her which made her and her book bounce.

"Stop annoying me." Tara said and went back to her book.

"Where's mom?" I asked, ignoring her annoyance.

"I don't know. You're the grown up one."

"That doesn't mean I should know everything." I said, which she ignored in return. I picked up the remote control and rested my feet on the coffee table. I flicked on aimlessly looking for a good show and settled with National Geographic. Tara glanced at the television a couple of times and closed her book to watch. We stayed like that for some time, engrossed.

"Hey Tar, do you like some milk?"

"Sure!"

"Go get some from the fridge for us" I sweetly smiled at her. Tara rolled her eyes at me and reluctantly slid off the sofa. "And don't forget the jar of cookies!" I added, on which she sighed loud.

We were eating and enjoying universe theories when Tara blurted "I miss daddy" out of the blue.

"What? When on earth did you get that from watching National Geographic?"

"If there are other universes like they say, maybe there's a universe out there where mommy and daddy's still together and we are one happy family."

"Whoa, too deep kiddo. And we are happy, even without him. What are you talking about?"

'Easy for you to say. You knew him. I never did."

I went silent. The kid had a point. I shifted in my seat to face my smart ass little sister "How about this, Ask me anything about him and I'll answer the best I can."

"Okaay...How was he like?"

"I don't know. He wasn't home often." I thought hard, not wanting to disappoint my sister and also wanting to remember my childhood. "But when he's home, we sit in front of the TV and he makes me fried Oreos and milk"

"Fried Oreos?"

"Oh man! You're missing half of your life! Come.." I tugged Tara to the kitchen to whip up my favorite childhood food. Tara sat on the counter, watching me as I gathered things.

"He's kinda sweet." Tara said.

"Yeah, he was. But mom and him started getting into fights and dad sometimes doesn't go home three days in a row, so."

"That sucks. What do you do when that happens?

"I'll sit at the porch and wait and wait for his car to drive by, day after day. You know, I was thinking that maybe, he wanted to know what I was doing, but of course he never comes, and then one day, I just stopped waiting."

"Did he read you stories at night?"

"Yeah, sometimes when he's there. And keeps the door to the hallway halfway open too."

"Mom never lets me do that."

"When I was a kid, mom never lets me either."

"Don't you miss him?"

"I did..then I got tired of missing him because..well..he got tired of being my father."

Tara didn't answer and just kept watching me beat the batter.

"How come you never made me fried Oreos before?"

"I forgot about it." I shrugged. "Here's the fun part...Drop your Oreos here.." I instructed her.

I scooped up the cookies covered in batter and dropped them carefully on the pan with oil. After a couple of minutes, I dropped the finished product on a plate. "Let it cool for a while first" I told her.

She had her first bite and her eyes went big. "Wow.." she said. 

"Right? Right??" I grinned and made another batch.

"I have an idea!" Tara said in between small bites.

"Now what?"

"How about, we do what you and dad did when you were still young? I'd experience it, and you get to remember him."

"Sure, whatever you say Tara" I rolled my eyes. I did 10 cookies and we sat back down to the living room and shared our food.

Minutes later, mom opened the door to our apartment. Tara jumped out of the couch and ran to kiss my mother in the cheeks, I stood and did the same. 

"How are you?" Mom said.

"Fine" Tara answered as she went back to her cookies. "Janey cooked cookies for us" as she raised one for mom to see.

"Oh yeah? Let me taste" I feel mom eyeing me as she sat beside Tara. I kept my eyes glued on the TV as she bit the cookies along with Tara's fingertips that sent her giggling beside me.

"Wow, that tasted amazing! How about you cook that for your class food sale next week?" 

"Yes! Yes! They would love it!" Tara said excitedly then hugged me. "Thanks Janey!" She said.

"Anytime kiddo." I smiled back at her. 

Mom went to the kitchen counter and started unpacking her brown paper bag.

"Janey, I need you here." She called to me.

I stood and went to the kitchen.

"Sit down," She said. "We need to talk"

"What's up?"

"I need to tell you something" She glanced back to the living room to make sure Tara was still glued to the television. "It's about your father" her voice dropped low.

My face was apathetic. "What about him?"

"He called a while ago. He said that he wanted to visit you guys."

I didn't answer for a while. "What for?"

"He's your father, maybe he just wanted to see you after all these years."

"And you're fine with that?"

"I don't see anything wrong."

"Okay. How about let's just send him a picture of us? Let's see, starting from when you were pregnant with Tara. How that?"

Mom stopped unpacking and took a deep breath. "Janey, I know you are mad at him. "

"I'm apathetic" I corrected her.

"But Tara also needs her father."

I was quiet. "Well, if he wants to see his child I don't have a say in the matter, but as far as I'm concerned, I don't have a father." I walked out of the kitchen and went straight into my room.