Those Lonely Nights Ft. Young Ezee

Chapter 6: Just Fucking Stupid

It was nearly lunch time. I am staving because them teachers never let me eat in the class but they be having a whole meal sitting on their desk . Got the whole room smelling like burgers and fries . My stomach was talking thirteen different languages , obliviously trying to tell me it was hungry and disturbing everyone I was sitting around . Can't even describe how embarrassed I was .

* The bell rings*

I quickly pack my things and step out the classroom. Ezee was waiting at the door with a big smile on her face.

" Ready to go ?", she asked as she pulled me into one of her all so comforting hugs.

My thoughts : Hell Yeah ! Nigga I'm starved ! Feed me !

What I actually said ," Yeah, let's go ." and smiled at her .

She grabbed my hand and began to walk to the front office . I was a bit shocked . We holding hands already ?!?! The rumors are true.  Lesbians really do move fast . She not even my girlfriend yet .

Wait a minute , speaking of girlfriends ...... I forgot about CJ , my ex . Ezee got me forgetting about shit and that's a good thing . Means she special.

Besides that , her hands were so damn soft and warm . I began to ask her what lotion do she use because I need to invest in getting it but I think it would creepy if I asked .

When we got to the front office , we signed out for lunch and quickly got to the car because we didn't want to waste any time .

She opened the door to the passenger side for me to get in .

Damn , who ever raised her did a good ass job .

I got in the car and watched her jog to the drivers side and get in .

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Our ride to Sonics was silent . Only thing that was making noise was the radio . I somehow got lost in thoughts . Remembering shit I was trying to forget . Like the first time CJ and I said I love you to each other . She said it first and I remember staring at the phone like I just won a million dollars ,smiling ear to ear . Then , I said it back .

I remember when she asked me out after talking for what felt like forever . Outside my 1st period class , she was on one knee holding a sour ring pop , and asked me out . The cutest thing ever .

Then , I remembered the day I met her.  It was my birthday . I was dressed up with my bday crown on . I was in the gym and she walked in talking about she needs a girlfriend . She was always straight to the point . She and other people were talking and looking at me . I was slow and honestly didn't know what the hell was going on . Until , someone was telling her to go ahead and come talk to me . That's when I finally understood and was like " Come on " at least I think that's what I said . CJ sat behind me and I leaned back on her while having an interesting conversation. (Something I wish could have lasted forever )

Back when things were new and fresh it was happier and more peaceful. Then summer came and I couldn't see her for a whole two months. She was the type of person that couldn't survive in a relationship with being able to touch and see the other person . We started arguing about dumb stuff and broke up or took a so called " Break ".  We got back together and realized the summer was going to be hard without seeing each other . Again we argued about dumb stuff and broke up again . Two weeks went by and I was clearly the only one suffering because CJ went off and got a whole new girlfriend .  

Now, when you see your replacement ...... You expect for this person to be better than you but it turns out to be a downgrade . Maybe she had a better personality . Shit , I don't know . I had to use every bone in my body to not be an asshole . But , It made me laugh for a whole damn day  ( tears and all ). Let me not continue to talk about the girl.

Exactly 14 days later , we were back together . She would complain about how the relationship wasn't the same and how I changed . Honestly, it wasn't.  I was damaged and the whole thing was damaged . All that arguing changed me . I began to want to stop saying sorry for things I didn't need to say sorry for . I was tired of being weak around her . I would take so much crap from her and never think about leaving , NEVER. But every time I decided to be tough and stand up for myself , she would leave me . I always seemed to be too much for her .

I always thought our arguments were just fucking stupid . They were over the smallest things like the word retarded and social media post that were harmless . In her eyes , I was always doing dumb shit but in reality she was just tripping over dumb shit . It seem like she just wanted to fight and be mad at me all the time .

Every time we break up . I swear it's the last. I feel like I had fallen into the deep hole and every time I feel as if I'm at the top , she enters my life again and I fall right back to the bottom . I swear to my best friends that the door is close for her but I keep that door open , waiting for her to come back . Because I love her and damn it's hard getting over her . No matter how bad things get , I know it will get better. I rather argue with her than to be without her and not argue at all . This crap happened over the summer . Shit goes down hill she you can't be physical with a person.