Love&Neglect.
Chapter One.
Mistake
' Like a G6 , Fly like a G6 now I'm feeling so fly like a G6 '
Far East Movement-Like a G6
I felt the loud music banging through the speakers. I never had enough good sleep. My exams are here and I have to go to the library or Jahnay's house to revise. Which 36 year old mother has a party at this time. I don't care she is my mother and the only one I have-my Dad off somewhere with his new wife and kids. Left me when he tried to change Mum and help her. My Dad loved my Mum dearly; he did everything in his power to help her but she didn't want to change. So with that he left he wanted me to come with him but I stayed to take care of my Mum. I don't sleep so I check on her so she doesn't overdose or hurt herself. But sometimes my life felt so incomplete; the only Thing I had to live for is God. I cried every night because I wondered why my life was like this. Why was I born into this world but my Dad always told me we were all brought into this world for a purpose and each of us had a Destiny ordained by God. But what was mine? I always wondered is this woman was my mother or if I was adopted? So many questions but no answers. I sighed slowly as I turned to the other side of my bed to feel the tears trickling down my left cheek didn’t bother to wipe it . Sometimes I want to cry but there was no tears zilch. Nothing my eyes were just dry. The last time I cut my self was about 3 weeks ago but I swore never to cut myself again but the temptation is to hard I just want to cut my body it eases me I feel so much better the dark red liquid flowing out of my body.
"Pandy baby” My mum called as she knocked on my door; I destroyed every thought I had of cutting myself to face this thing I call a mother.
“Mum what's wrong?" I asked as I opened the door.
"Your daughter is truly beautiful" The tall dark-skinned guy that stood behind my Mum.
“Mum what's h_" She cut me off before I could say anything.
" Pandy baby make yourself look nice and come downstairs “She smiled , the guy behind her had a giant grin on his face.
"Okay" I soon realized she was going to use me to sell drugs. How could she use me to sell drugs after everything I did for her , the beating I took from her for no reason the word she said to me always attacked my heart. I slowly crept stealthily along the staircase.
" Pandy is that you?" My Mum walked out to the stairs and I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“You were trying to run away" she said in a sad voice. I knew what was coming next.
"BANG" She punched me in the face and began to beat me up. She kicked my stomach and stepped on my face. She took the umbrella on the side and began to poke me and stab me with it.
" You useless child; Your a coward just like your father " I began to cry tears flowing down my cheeks I felt so alone I had nobody to talk or to lean on.
" Take her upstairs and do what needs to be done" The guy carried me upstairs and threw me on my bed; he locked the door and grinned evilly at me.
“Please don't do this I beg you “I pleaded as I stood up with the little energy I had left.
" Babe I need my payment I have no choice" His deep voice whispered into my ears as he pulled onto my shirt.
“Please I'm begging you please don't do this to me I have nothing left I'm only 14 I can't be living this life " I cried as I tugged onto life with the energy left in me.
“Okay fine I will leave you and show mercy but I will come back for my payment" He grinned evilly and walked out my room shutting my door. I slid my back down my door and started crying his voice played again and again in my head. I just should have left with Dad.
FLASHBACK.
“Pandora come with me let's go” he threw his bag into his boot and faced me.
“Well don't stand there let's go" he shouted and walked; he stopped when he noticed when I wasn't following him.
" Dad I can't come;I can't leave Mum like this she needs someone with her" I said as I tried to convince my Dad.
" Pandora your only 12 your not meant to be going through this; come with me live a better life" He said as he held on to my shoulders.
" Dad , Mum can still change you can go don't worry about me okay I will be fine " He sighed slowly and hugged me as he whispered into my ear.
" Take care of your self Pandy I love you always remember that" with that he walked into his care and drove away.
End of flashback.
The thousands of times I have looked back I have always thought 'Why did I stay here She doesn't deserve my loyalty' I continued to cry slowly each tear that rolled down my cheek killed me softly; Each tear was a sign of my pain and sadness I was living such an unforfilled life I looked up to the ceiling and cried to myself.
“O Lord have mercy on me I don’t want to be here anymore” My Dad said to me that if I had no one that I will always have God and that he hears my cry. I cried until my eyes where dry and closed them tiredly.
**
I walked out my block and down the road to my bus-stop. I left the house with an empty stomach Mum hadn't done any food shopping in days. I hadn't got any money to buy anything. I opened my purse to check for money and all I had was 2p. I sighed slowly and waited for the bus. I looked to the other direction and saw Ivan and his boys. I didn't talk to them I only heard about them.
“Hey your Pandora right” Ivan said as he sat next to me.
“Yhhhh okay; why are you talking to me like we are friends?” I didn’t mean to be rude but we have been living in this area for over a few years and it’s now he chooses to talk to me.
“Fine then stoosh bitch I was only trying to talk to you” He sounded angry.
"Huh? Wtf you don't even know me so please just leave me alone."
"You have a black eye it’s pretty bad what happened"
" None of your business; so stop acting like you care cause you don't " I jumped on the bus and went off to school. This guy doesn't even know me calling me a stoosh bitch I didn't even do anything wrong I just faced the other way. I ran my hands through the bunch on curls on my head and got off the bus and began to walk down the road to school.
**
"Home" I shouted as I walked into the house.
“Pandora did you do that thing for me last night? " I stopped at my tracks is this woman mad she tried to sell my body for drugs and she now asking me if I did it.
“Mum I will talk to you later yeah I have exam coming up I need to study" I said as I ignored her question.
“Why gosh you don't need school come on” she said as she blew thick smoke from her cig.
"Mum you tried to sell me for drugs" I said in the calmest voice I had.
“No I didn't sell you; You did me a favour” I ignored her and went upstairs and sat on my bed.
“Pandy baby I need you to do me a favour” I knew what it meant I couldn't do it he walked into my room and sat on my bed he began to touch my thighs. I was so uncomfortable.
“Erm I'm on my reds" I stuttered as he kissed my neck.
“Don’t worry honey a little blood won't hurt ". I began to cringe at his statement. I began to get into it I kissed him back began to rub his legs. I slowly kneed him in the groin. I jumped up and ran down the road and I kept on running I didn't even know where I was running to. Each time I moved a part of my body I felt his hands touch me I felt so unclean and dirty.
