Let Me Live [Andley](On Hold)

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Waking up curled in a uncomfortable position on his small, twin bed was nothing new for Andy. It had become routine for him, next to waking up on the floor or couch that smelled like cigarettes and alcohol. His room smelled of a mixture of cigarettes, alcohol, a faint scent of lavender air freshener that needed to be changed. He had got it when he first moved in, and somehow the scent was still lingering. He didn't know why it did; yet it made his room at least smell good. Better than the musty smell that the room and the whole apartment had when he moved in.

Uncurling himself, he made an uncomfortable face as he felt all his joints cracked in relief of him moving. It would be worse when he finally stood up though. It always was. Rubbing his eyes he glanced around his room taking in the sight of it. His room wasn't much, it wasn't like his room at home. Sure he had posters, pictures, and whatever else up on his wall; yet it wasn't much nor the best and it didn't have the home safe feeling. The walls were such an off-white color they looked beige, and it wasn't from him. It was how they were when he moved in. His carpet was dirty to the point he had to buy a carpet to put over it, even in the living room he had to. His mattress was old; it felt stiffer than the motel bed they've slept on at times during their first few tours and stiffer than the few hospitals bed Andy's had to deal with; however, when he laid on it felt like a cloud. Sometimes he wished though he took Ashley and Jake up on the deal of letting them buy him a new mattress; yet he didn't want them to spend more money him than they already had by helping him move into this place. Andy especially didn't want to ask Ashley for more than he already had gave him. It's why he didn't ask Scout that much for anymore help; he felt they had helped him enough that asking more makes him seem needy; and he didn't want to seem that way since he was technically an adult. He was able to do things by himself, yet it didn't seem like that at all.

Hoisting himself to the edge of his bed he put his feet down on the floor and tried to stand up only to feel his body scream in pain and his head scream at him as well. Both causing him to fall back down on the bed. He drank way to much last night. He knew he shouldn't have, yet those were his intentions. Get drunk as hell and forget everything. After all, that was all for him to do right now. Even though he had a ton of other things to do. When tour ended about two weeks ago the numb empty feeling began to creep back onto him. His thoughts came back and there was only a few things that would keep them at bay. Being stage made him happy, he felt alive, he felt he had a purpose in life, that he on top of the world; though when he got off stage, the lights turned off, the high of being up there in front of the fans with his brothers died down, his world became dark. He was left to his thoughts. And it wasn't pleasant.

Taking in a deep breath he pushed himself into sitting position and began to stand up again slowly. His entire body and head screamed at him as he did so and his vision was clouded with black spots. This was normal for him, yet he still hated it so much. It wasn't ideal although he lived like this, so he guessed it was. Beginning to move over towards his dresser and closet; Andy picked out a fresh shirt, a pair of skinny jeans he knew he washed; and a clean pair of underwear since he really lost track the last time he changed the pairs he was wearing and even the jeans. Probably since last week. He couldn't remember. The weeks had started to blend into together. After all, all he did was drink, sleep, try not succumb to his mind, and work on stuff for the band. He was so busy with that, that nothing else matter, but did it anything really matter?

With his clothes in hand, he walked out of his room and headed to the bathroom that was just down and across the hall. The bathroom was what Andy would call the nicest room of the whole apartment, beside the kitchen. He kept it clean, and it never was too much of a mess. Andy didn't know why he kept this area so cleaned. He had a few thoughts on it, mainly from how he lived with Scout for a while, then Jake, he always made sure to keep the bathroom cleaned since he shared it with another person. It was the only reason he could think why it was clean along with the kitchen. If only he could keep the rest of the apartment clean, or well cleaner.