Try Hard

|14| ~The Truth

I wiped the last tears off my cheeks and started to tell everything.

"So, well, it's going to take awhile, so if you want to leave, you can now" I paused a little and if I saw nobody was leaving I went on. "Well, I don't know how to start. It all started when I was little. I wasn't quite a normal baby girl." I smiled at this memory and looked at Louis, he smiled back. "I wasn't the kind of princessy girl, you know? But I tried to be kind and polite to everyone. I actually was a really happy child. I didn't eat anything but bananas and bread. All I drunk was milk. I liked hiding things from my parents and hiding my bread between my toys so I could eat them another day. I had everything a litlle girl would want to have. My parents loved me more than anything. I had plenty of friends at school, I played with everyone, I liked everyone, but my best friend was still my older cousin. I shared everything with him. He was my best buddy. And together with his sister we ran after him all the time, and in hindsight, he must've been really tired when Lottie and I went to bed." I saw Louis smiling. 

"Than we moved to Belgium, I don't even know why. I was only 5 years old and I had to leave all my friends. And we left our family behind, so I couldn't see my cousins that much anymore. We only went to England in vacations. I didn't like my new home at first, but than, the happy kid I was, I forgot about it and tried to make new friends."

"So what's the big deal about it? If you were such a happy child back than, why aren't you now anymore? Is it that bad to make new friends?" Ashton asked.

"Well, I wanted to be friends with the people of my class, but I barely spoke Dutch. The kids thought I was strange. I came from another country and I didn't talk their language. I tried to speak it, but they laughed about how I pronounced the words all the time. I survived primary school though. Than I had to go to secondary school. I wanted to start again, a new start you know? I wanted to make friends. But still, I was the weird girl, who read too much, obviously didn't care about how she looked, which was really strange, and who played a boring, classic instrument. And I just didn't know how to make friends. I didn't get bullied or so, for those reasons though, but the biggest problem was, I liked eating, I liked food. Strange, because first I didn't, but my parents always told me to eat what they made, and at the end I ate everything. Well, you probably know what that means. I was just fat. And for that, people did bully me, I wasn't pretty enough and I always did my homework and got really good grades. That's why I haven't baked anything in such a long time. I just stopped eating, I only ate fruit and vegetables and drank water. Nobody noticed anyway, I always sat alone. I went running at 5 in the morning, so nobody would see me.

Than people found out my cousin was in this really famous band, One Direction. Boys thought they were gay, girls didn't understand I could be family of THE Louis Tomlinson. And THE Louis Tomlinson changed alot too. He was always busy and all the jokes he made, weren't even funny, to be honest. I'm sorry. He just changed so much. This is quite enough I think. I don't want to go on anymore, I already feel like making the impression of being a drama queen. I'm sorry guys." I stood up and walked away.

"But Sam, eating nothing at all isn't healthy." I turned around and sighed. " I know and this is exactly why I didn't want to talk about it. But I eat healthy now, so, what's the problem?"

"But what else happened to make you so unhappy?"

"What? Do you mean this wasn't enough yet?"

"No!  I didn't mean it that way! But you said you didn't want to tell the rest of it, so I assumed that there were more things."

"Well, that's true. This wasn't the worse yet, I got over it. I didn't want them anymore and they made me who I am know. My family still loved me though, that was enough for me. I locked myself up in my room most of the time, and just made music. I thaught myself how to play a couple of instruments and that's pretty much everything I did after school. And reading books."

"Please tell the rest?" That was Niall. He stood up and walked over to me. He looked in my eyes and whispered. "Please?"

"My mom died. That's the worst fucking shit." I looked away and went sitting on the ground, because I didn't feel like going to the couch again.  "She died from cancer. I didn't realize it. It couldn't be true. It's my fault, I should've seen it." I put my head in my hands and my elbows on my knees. Niall kneeled next to me. "How could it have been your fault?"

"Because it was so obvious she already knew so long, but she didn't care, she didn't like it anymore. I should've known. My dad was torn. My brothers didn't go to school the next days. But I did, I just didn't know where I actually wanted to be anymore. I just wanted to turn back time, but I couldn't, that sucks, you know? My brothers cried for days, but I didn't cry at all, I don't even know what was wrong with me, what IS wrong with me. My brothers got over it, well, it got better. But when everybody else had forgotten, it started to hurt me so much. She was the best mom in the world. And she was my best friend. The friend I never had at school. I didn't like going to school either. People were just so rude and fake. One Direction got more popular and suddenly everyone wanted to be friends. Hell no. But that pissed them off. Jake, the oldest of my two brothers got in his puberty, I guess. He didn't do anything but trying to piss me off and blackguard me. He told me I was a slut, and how fat I was and that I would never get friends or a boyfriend. We fought alot. And dad always blamed me. I coloured my hair, he didn't like it. I got another ear piercing, he didn't like it. I didn't talk to anyone anymore, because otherwise I would probably do something wrong again. I did my very best to be nice and a good daughter, but I was never good enough.

At school I got really mad about how stupid my teacher actually was and I lost control. I told everyone in that classroom how stupid they were and how naive and mean. That they should use their brains just for a minute. I got suspended. My dad was furious. That's when I got my bags. People in school here still don't like me, but I don't actually care anymore, I don't want to be close to anyone anymore. They're all stupid. My only friend there was Finn. He felt like defending me when people were bullying me again. He was my friend. He just left to America, forever. That's why I am who I am now."