Beyond The Lights

Piece Of Mind

I wake up to my alarm that was a beeping noise. I groan not wanting to get up. Maybe I should just skip school no one really wants me there anyways. I roll my eyes, I forgot my mom and her boyfriend was here out of all days they choose to be here today. Ever since my mom met her new boyfriend Darnell she is never here anymore she's usually at his house which is fine by me sometimes but other times I just want my mom ya know.

I get up out of bed and walk to the bathroom do my hygiene I put my hair into a ponytail. I've been rocking ponytails a lot lately mainly because I have a lot of hair and don't know how to maintain it, one day Imma just cut it all off I swear. I throw on some skinny jeans the ones that make my booty look poppin then I slip on my rainbow tie dye hoodie. I throw my book bag over my shoulder as I head out. "Bye mom." I say seeing her and Darnell on the couch together probably not even washed there both slobs "No goodbye to me lani." Darnell says as I slam the door.
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I walk into the classroom casually "Ms.Parrish you're late." Ms Jones old ass says  tilting her glasses down.

"So " I say sitting down. School is not 1# in my life music is so I could care less about "school".

"So, it's unacceptable Ms.Parrish!" She says yelling in going crazy as normal.

"I' ll just go to the office." I say getting up.

" No you stay right here." I sit back down and take out my supplies.

I wander the hallways alone as usual. I was  skipping 3rd period because there's a lot of people that don't like me in that class and I just don't feel like arguing today. Some days I slip into depression and just want to be left alone it's been like this all my teenage life .

"Lani." I hear a voice call from behind me I turn my head around.

"Hey, Angela." I say  she's a girl that I mess around with a lot she's a more popular
girl and for some reason she won't leave me alone ever since me had sex a few days ago.

She walks closer to me and pins me up against the locker note: that this girl is a cheerleader and she is a baser on the team too so she's way stronger than my weak ass.

" Get of-". I start but  I'm unable to finish because of her smashing her lips into mine.

"Omg!" I hear someone say  as I turn my head to see that the classes were switching

"Why would up kiss me you freak." Angela says confusing the hell out of me.

I hear people yelling slurs throughout the hallway. I start to walk away. When a girl named IRRELEVANT steps in front of me "

"Where ya gay ass going." She says pushing me....ya know I take a lot of stuff from theses bitches but they ain't gonna make me look like a little punk.

I ram into her knocking her to the floor having the upper hand I  pound her face into the floor. I feel hands pulling me away as she uses it as a chance to charge at me as and I kick her back down to the floor.

"Gay ass bitch." She says still on the floor

"But you was the one begging for me too eat ya stink ass pussy after I cut you off." I hear ouu's coming from the crowd of kids. I smile as they take me to the front office. That felt great

I get back to my apartment dreading walking in because I know my moms gonna go off on me.

"Kehlani why did this random number send me these 2 videos!" She shouts as she hand me her phone I play the first video and it is of me and Angela kissing.

Then I scroll down to the second video and it is the video of me fighting.

" Mom I can expla-"  I say as she cuts me off.

" Answer this question , are you gay?"  She says with her hand on her hip. 

"Not exactly, I'm bi sexual." I say finally getting it off my chest.

" Get the fuck out my house!" She says throwing a pre packed bag at me.

"Mom?" I say being taken  back by her works. I've imagined telling by mom that I like girls a million times and never did I ever think it would go like this .

"Mom I have nowhere to go ." I say hearing my voice crack.

" I don't give a damn get the fuck out my house." I turn around and leave the apartment.

I start to pick up my pace as I walk past the lobby. I push the door open and am immediately greeted by the brisk cold air as my tears finally start to fall from my eyes. I don't know what my next move is, my mom was the last person I thought cared about me  and the last person I've messed up my relationship with. 

I sit down on the park bench  and look up into the sky with tears in my eyes.

" Why'd you make me this way? I'm one big mistake that no one wants around. If being gay is such a sin why was I made like this ?  Please just heal me god please." I  voice still looking into the dark night sky tears flowing there's no holding them back now.

"Why me?" I whisper dropping my head down Why did the woman who's supposed to love me unconditionally just dead me like that. I pull out my phone and go straight to my notes and I start to write I do this to calm me down and get my exact  feelings out.

One day my life will be perfect and one day someone will love for me.❤️️

7/23/17