The Loneliness of Distant Beings

Chapter Twenty-Five

It's a few days later that Ronaldo brings me into the day room where Dr Mad is forcing Beth to repair Christmas ornaments (apparently it's therapeutic) and talking at her so loud she's practically flinching, so I say, 'She's depressed, Dr Mad, not deaf.'

'Ah, Seren,' he sighs. 'I can see you're feeling back to your old self.'

'Meaning snarky and sarcastic?'

He cocks his head. 'You know I've always loved your sense of humour,' he says, which is a lie, so I just make a face. 'Has Charge Nurse Benitez briefed you on today's activities?'

'Activities?' I glance back at Ronaldo, who looks sheepish.

'Not to worry,' says Dr Mad. 'Nothing to worry about at all. I'm going to help you to manage all your anxieties and navigate your way through the process with the minimum of difficulties. Sit down here, by me, so we can talk.' He sits on the bench and pats the metal with a clang.

'What process?' I say, not sitting.

Clang clang.

'What process?' Even I can hear I'm getting loud.

Dr Mad sighs and scratches absently at the sharp-cut outline of his beard. He's one of those people who looks ridiculous in his uniform. From what I've seen of Earth and the kinds of clothes psychiatrists wore back there, he would definitely have made more sense in that context. He brings his hands together in front of him and gives me this look. Disappointment. He uses it a lot.

'I understand that you've had to be sedated recently?' he says.

He studies me for a response and, when he doesn't get one, he nods.

'I wouldn't want to think we would have to resort to that again. I would like to count on your cooperation today.'

God, it's all I can do not to launch at him. 'So tell me what you're talking about!'

'You've been summoned to the Security offices. To give your deposition, your statement, in the BP Infraction case.'

I do sit down then. Hard. About two metres away though, rather than next to him.

He watches me for a moment before he adds, 'I'm to act as your advocate.'

'I don't want you to be my advocate, whatever that is.'

He shakes his head slowly. 'Seren, you can fight it if you like, but if they deem you fit to attend without me, that will mean you are eligible for full trial. Then you could be looking at time in Reformatory yourself.' He indicates the other half of Correctional with his head, beyond our wall but not so far that we don't hear noises from there sometimes. Crashes, mostly; sometimes screams. 'I sincerely hope to avoid that outcome for you,' he adds.

'Who's on the case?' I can't seem to take my eyes off my feet.

'Well, Chief Sherbakov will not be overseeing it, if that's what you're wondering. He's removed himself for conflict of interests.'

I nod slow, slower, until I stop, then I look up at him. 'Well, when are we going?'

It's the middle of first session so there aren't many people around and for some reason the emptiness of everything ends up disorientating me, almost as if I've dropped out of the usual timeline and into some alternate reality. I feel like the only people I do see scurry away from me around corners, but Dr Mad tells me I'm being paranoid and the chances are he's right, but still.

'Wait,' I ask him, in the upwards transporter. 'What is this deposition for? Whose case is this? Mine or . . . ?' I don't even dare to say Dom's name.