The Con and the Artist

Lost: Ashamed

I felt helpless. I was weak, too weak to even stand on my own or walk very far. So we went slow as we went back. At this rate we wouldn't be back at camp for another week. I attempted to try and make them go back on their own.  Tell Sawyer I was only slowing them down, to leave me behind and I'd catch up with them later, both of us knowing I would never catch up. 

We were talking during that conversation, so what was Sawyer's response? He stopped walking, allowing me to walk a few steps ahead of him. And once I did he he picked me up in his arms and carried me until we made camp. 

I felt guilty as well, this was all my fault after all. If I only could've convinced Jack to do the surgery. If only I know how to shoot a gun properly and accurately. If only me and Sawyer hadn't come on the stupid 'Let's go save Walt!' recon mission. If only I wasn't so goddamn worthless. 

I tried my best not to cry that night as I laid on my back next to Sawyer. His arms snaked my waist and pulled me to his side. He held me tighter than normal that night. It was as if he could feel my pain, that my pain was his pain. I don't think I'll ever forget that look on his face, in his eyes, when we both thought I was dying in his arms. That look of fear that if I died, a piece of him would have died with me. 

"Why are you crying?" He whispered as he held me. 

Up until then I hadn't realized I had been crying. But I could now feel the warm tears trickling down my cheeks.  

"Lots of reasons I guess" I whisper back, not bothering to wipe the cheeks from my eyes. 

"Come 'ere then. Let's hear them" He says pulling me even closer to him. I turned into him and laid my head and my left hand on his clothed chest, just needed him to hold me. Which he did. 

"Well first of all...I didn't think getting shot would hurt so much" 

He chuckles at that and kisses my head. 

"Sorry about that dimples, you feeling alright?" 

"My leg is sore, that's all" I mumble snuggling into his chest. 

"Try to sleep, we have a long day of walking" He says and starts rubbing soothing circles into my back. 

I awake the next morning, Kate sitting at the fire across from me, but both Karl and Sawyer were missing. 

Sawyer wasn't sure how to handle this...he didn't have any siblings, any steady females, aside from Emelia, in his life to have any experience with something like this. He heard something in the jungle earlier that morning and left a sleeping Emelia in the very uncapable hands of Kate to investigate it. And low and behold there was Karl, sobbing as he sat on a log. 

Yes Sawyer hand no idea how to handle a crying teenage boy, but he had to try. So, doing what he thought was best, he made his presence known to Karl, and socked him in the arm. Karl hiss in pain as Sawyer sat next to him, thinking that might've been the wrong approach. 

"Now that you've stopped crying what seems to be the matter?" Sawyer asks, trying to be kind to the boy. Karl said nothing. 

"Is it your girlfriend Alex?" He asks trying to keep a cool tone of voice. 

"Yes...I just. I can't just leave her! She's everything to me man" Karl mumble sorrily. Sawyer took a deep breath, relating to Karl more than he would have liked. 

"Do you love her?" He asked. 

"More than anything, but if I go back her father will kill me" Karl goes on to explain, telling Sawyer about the housing on the main island, how Ben thinks Karl is going to get Alex pregnant and wants Karl dead, about how much he really loves Alex.