Silenced voice

My attempt

Apparently people knew I was sleeping in class and they weren't happy about it. My usual bully Hyun dragged me to the back of school, near where they throw the garbage out, because she thinks I'm garbage. 

"So you think that because you get special treatment by teachers you don't even have to be awake during class. You are full of such bullshit ghost girl." She then shoves me hard enough that I fall to the ground. I then try to sign "sorry" since my throat was still hurting a little after I woke up, but she only got more mad.

"Speak with damn words, you look like a dumbass waving your hands around like that."

"Sorry."

"Louder, I can't hear you down there."

"Sorry." I spoke louder and it hurt my throat. I put a hand around it on instinct, rubbing it a little to try and soothe it.

"Geez you are so pathetic, your throat already hurts and I barely heard you." She pulled me up off of the ground and shoved me again and my back hit the dumpster.

"Garbage like you really needs to be thrown away, you have no other purpose anyway freak." I'm back on the ground, just looking down. 

"God at least look me in the eyes you pathetic bitch. Are you ever not such a scared little pussy?" 

She continues to harass me and push me around for a while. She then decided I had had enough and she leaves, taking my bag to throw into a ditch nearby like usual. I give myself a minute before I get up and go to retrieve my bag.

On the walk home I think a lot about the last thing she said to me, about me having no real purpose. Maybe she was right, I have no use in this world and should just be thrown away. Everyday on the walk home I walk over a bridge, under it is a river and it is a bit of a long drop if you were to jump off the bridge. Today I sat on the edge of the bridge, placing my bag to my side and I stared down at the water below me. I tried to think of any actual reason for my own existence. I had no friends so I didn't need to live for them. And I think my mother would be fine if I turned up dead ... but she always hurts me so she doesn't have to kill me. She always says she doesn't want to kill me, but I never know if that is true. Maybe she is just waiting for a time she finds right to kill me. Maybe my nightmares are telling about what will happen in the future if I don't end it now.

I just kept staring down at the water, thinking very hard about the decision I was about to make. But every possible way of thinking about this has me wanting to fall. I even thought about how if I died, I could meet dad in heaven. And my throat won't be hurt so I can fully talk again and be with dad forever. I had finally made my decision and slowly began nudging myself off of the edge when I was startled by a voice.

"You should be careful sitting there, you might fall."