my heart can't handle much more loss.
despite my prayers and best efforts, the justice league dies off one by one. it's down to us.
rob points out the solitary dot on his holo-map, located at superman's fortress of solitude; that must be the mothership.
we change into our winter camo on the bioship to save time. within minutes, aqualad and i hide underwater for our planned ambush. i will the ice to break under the weight of the ship, but to no avail, as the commotion distracts me. in the midst of our attack, a laser barely misses me, thanks to wolf's intervention. mgann reroutes the offensive systems in an attempt to control the ship's weapons, a several-minute job.
just as the ship doors begin closing, two more ships swing down and open fire, taking aim for annabeth and artemis, who disappear in a flash of light as the laser strikes them dead.
my stomach drops. robin pulls me back as i lunge forward, slamming my fist into the ship's doors. after a moment of disbelief, i shove robin's grip off my arm. i stalk to a seat at the front of the ship.
"there's no time for morning right now," i say, more to myself than my team. i face forward, but the weight of the gazes on my back tells me the team is listening. "we still have a job to do."
the flight to the hall of justice is silent and tense. the second we enter the room, m'gann drifts to her uncle's fallen statue. her sobs stop abruptly as she detects a heat signature and lifts the statue's head to reveal a still-living martian manhunter.
wally scans the room, excitedly relaying that the beams gave off the same signature as the zeta tubes, implying the others are still alive. from a shared glance with robin, i confirm my doubts; why would the aliens boom tube us when they can just kill us?
but at this point, i'll take any hope i can get.
the rest is a blur. we come up with a plan, we lose aqualad. we broadcast a message of hope to the world and enter the mothership, we lose superboy. for every step forward we take, we lose one of our own.
we enter the core of the ship, and robin sets the bomb, one that cannot be detonated automatically.
meaning one of us has to stay.
robin doesn't even have a chance to protest before i push him towards the exit. his brute strength rivals mine, so i stoop to the lowest option i can think of with the little strength i have left; i command the blood in his body to move him out. he grapples to a beam behind me to prevent me from sacrificing myself, which i sever with a swing of riptide.
his face falls with the realization that i'm not budging. even through the door's glass window, i can see the tears soak his mask.
"it's been fun, wonder boy."
the door shuts, locking with a metallic pang. my hand rests hesitantly on the bomb's lever.
i count myself down. ten.
this is it; the life i've forged for myself, a future i've fought so hard to ensure, gone in a moment. i will never grow old, never be able to say i endured. i'll die yet another statistic.
nine.
another demigod who just couldn't win.
eight.
another shroud to burn.
seven, six, five.
another soul in asphodel.
four.
i never told dick who i was.
three.
two.
i sit up with a gasp, my conscience falling back into my body.
annabeth, who had been stationed at the foot of my bed, wraps me in her arms before i get a word in.
"i thought you died, wise girl."
"you can't kill me that easy, seaweed brain." i choke out a half-laugh, half-sob.
martian manhunter and batman explain what happened, from the deaths of our teammates to having to shock m'gann out of the exercise. i look at m'gann, who is clearly upset.
we all sit around to cave, silent. i fiddle with the fabric of the couch as annabeth rubs circles in my back.
my parents' deaths. the exercise. i shut my eyes tight. this is too much.
i was wrong about everything. this could not be more different than being a demigod hero. at least there, i knew what to expect. everything is so absurd, i've come to expect the unexpected. this is far worse.
this is too human.
one by one, the team files into canary's office for our individual therapy session. i'm second to last, before annabeth. i walk into the room and sit down across from black canary.
"how do you feel the exercise went?" she asks thoughtfully.
"are you fucking joking? horribly. all it did was tell me i can't save the people i care about. not even my own goddamn parents."
"your parents were in the exercise?" she frowns.
"no, that was before this. i came home and klarion had-" i look at her, and she's staring at me in sympathy. anger bubbles in my chest. how else did they think this would go? "thanks for the pity, but athena needs this more than i do. you should probably get her in here next."
without glancing behind, i walk out. minutes later, annabeth finishes her session.
we find the rest of the team in a sullen silence in the kitchen. annabeth joins the group, but i stalk off to my cave bedroom.
after a stretch of quiet sobs into my pillow, the mattress dips. without glancing up, i donkey kick my visitor to the floor. i shoot up when I hear robin cry out. "oh my gods, i'm so sorry! i thought you were athena! are you okay? i'm so sorry!" i frantically help him up. he looks at me skeptically.
"i just came to see how you were. and to ask you why you saved me and wally, but not yourself."
i sigh and shrug. "i don't know, it just kinda happened. i've been through hell before, what's another trip?" i joke. he meets my eyes with an unsure look. i clear my throat under the weight of his gaze. "so, team movie night?"
despite being an escape from the uncomfortable conversation robin clearly wants to have, the movie night lifts the team's spirits a little. of course, that exercise was beyond traumatizing, so it'll take time for us to fully come to terms with how we each reacted to such a high-intensity situation.
but it's a start.
