Dear Laurence,
There are a whole lot of words that come up when I think of your name.
Talented. Gentle. Charming. Fearless. Heartfelt. Creative. Humorous. Honest. Loyal. Caring. Genius. Cute, no adorable! Sweet. Gorgeous. Flawless. Perfection.
However, you have this skill of undermining yourself and comparing how you see yourself to me. See above for a description of everything you are but me? What words come to mind when people think of me? Selfie whore? Bigheaded douchebag? No, I don’t get words, just sounds. Tutting usually, that always makes you laugh. When we get on the bus and hear all those old dears tutting about my three-toned hair and my little labret stud.
I love to make you laugh; I think it’s the most wonderful sound on earth. I love the way you'd break out into a wide toothy grin before covering it self-consciously with your hand as you laugh. Though, I don’t know why you'd want to cover it, i think it's beautiful.
You don’t want me, no
You don’t need me
Like I want you, oh
Like I need you
I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing this, maybe it’s because I'm missing you. I wonder if you're missing me? "Don't be silly Kemp," is what you'd probably say if you heard me ask that "miss you? Bollocks." You always hide your emotions towards people, especially ones such as love, and need. You're somewhat like a robot, from all those nerdy things you like. I'm not sure when you started to hide them; you never used to be like that. When we were growing up you used to be really cuddly and always tell us how much you love us. I don’t hear that anymore, I only get it in birthday cards; "love, Laur." They'd say, I only know that you love me once a year. That’s not on, dude. Where's my cuddly panda gone?
And I want you in my life
And I need you in my life
You can’t see me, no
Like I see you
I really shouldn't be acting like this, I know that. You've had your struggles in the past, I'm aware of that. Yet, who was there to lift you up whenever you fell? Who was there to snatch the blade when you wanted to end it all? I was, every damn time. I know you're thankful to me, I know you regret me ever seeing you like you were. You apologize every day, to this very day, whether it be by voice, letter, text, email. I keep them all, locked away in a converse shoe box under the loose floorboard at the end of our shared bed. They never get signed properly though just "Beveridge x" I'm anxiously waiting for one with "love Laur x" That one’s soon, right?
I can’t have you, no
Like you have me
And I want you in my life
And I need you in my life
I still haven't quite gotten to the point of this letter yet, though I'm guessing you've figured it out already. If you haven't I'm seriously considering taking back my genius compliment from earlier on in his letter. I'm just going to get to the point because I know how you feel about my 'mushy moments' that I have occasionally on twitter. I love you, like I'm in love with you. I have been for years, but you'd always pass of my flirtation attempts as me just messing around or being nice. I mean, there's nothing wrong with complimenting someone, that is a lovely thing to do, but Laurence, I mean it in a completely different way. It's not platonic with me, I am completely and utterly head over heels for you, but from your reaction to our stage moments, you really, really, really, don't feel the same, do you?
Love
Love
Love
I remember the first and only time I kissed you. It was on stage, you were playing guitar, and i melted instantly as I looked over at you. You had this adorable timid smile on your face while you bit your lip in concentration. You looked stunning, regardless of the disheveled hair, running makeup and sweat dripping from your body. You looked like you were about to explode with happiness, and I never wanted that feeling to ever go away for you. I don’t know what came over me, maybe it was the adrenaline rush from performing but I just mindlessly strutted over to you and pressed my lips to yours. Fireworks. It was amazing, even though it only lasted a few seconds. You laughed it off on stage in front of the fans, but once we were backstage you were furious with me. Shouting and screaming at me with disgust. My heart ripped in two that day, Laur. I'm still sorry, so very sorry.
You can’t feel me, no
Like I feel you
I can’t steal you, no
Like you stole me
And I want you in my life
And I need you in my life
I'm not sure whether I’ll actually ever give you this letter. It was all Drew's idea; he told me that as you're away for new years I should take this time to re-evaluate my feeling for you, you know, love not lust and all that jazz. However, I know the difference; my feelings for you are much, much stronger than anything I've experienced before. To be honest, I highly doubt I'll ever give you this letter. I need you in my life too much to bear with the thought if you hating me for being as stupid as to admit my feelings to you. I haven't even told you my sexuality, let alone my love for my straight, best friend.
I'm going to stop writing now, emotional Kemp has gone. I do miss you though, Laur. Sleeping isn't the same without you by my side.
Forever yours,
Kier Kemp
Xxx
P.S. what did you think of the latest episode of 'The Walking Dead'? Heartbreaking as fuck, right?
Authors Note: Lyrics used are The Pretty Reckless' 'You'.
