Ignorance Is Bliss

Chapter 3

I toss and turn all. night. long. When I finally wake up for good at 4 am, I feel like Death himself. Or herself. Itself? I don't know. I'm too tired to care right now.

I feel myself slide out of bed and shuffle over to my mirror. I take a look at myself before wincing. I'm forced to turn my attention to the floor before bringing my eyes back up to assess the damage I'm seeing in the mirror.

My hair, normally really bouncy and soft, is an absolute wreck courtesy of the nightmares. It looks greasy and I see at least 4 large clumps of hair all stuck together. And not to mention there's a huge knot in the back. I'm gonna need more than conditioner for this wreck...

Not to mention my bloodshot eyes and the bags under them...yikes...

And then my outfit. Well, I fell asleep in what I was wearing, so it's not that bad. But I'll be blunt here, I look like I've just come off a bad trip.

Don't ask how I know what that looks like.

Before you start making assumptions, no, I've never taken drugs in my life. Willingly, anyways.

But anyways, yeah, I look horrible.

I hop in the shower. An hour and a half later, my hair is sopping wet, but I got most of the tangles out, and I don't smell like sweat and terror anymore.

I blow dry my hair, or start to, but I get too impatient to finish. Halfway through I mentally decide, screw it. Air drying is more natural anyways.

I change into a plain black tee and some dark jeggings. I pull my dirty blonde hair into a high ponytail, climbing out my window onto the roof, grabbing a blanket from my bed.

I wrap the blanket around my waist and legs, watching the sky change colors from a dark, mysterious blue to a pinkish color. Eventually I doze off, sleeping for a good hour without interruption.

But then comes a thunk.

I jolt awake, slowly starting to slide towards the edge of the roof. I slide back up near my window, looking down to glare at Kade.

But when I look down, it's not Kade I see.

Panic settles in. My longs constrict, and I feel like my legs and arms are being binded. I feel paralyzed. I feel weak. I start screaming, sobbing, flailing. I can't help it. I end up tumbling off the roof at some point. I feel myself being caught by someone. My eyes are squeezed shut, tightly blocking off the world at my own will. I can't hear myself think, but the sound of my thoughts running around my head, crashing into each other, the chaos inside my mind, is overwhelming.

The only consistant thought I have is, what is he doing here? He can't be here. He's gone. We got rid of him. He can't be here.

I can't breathe.

I can't see.

I can't hear.

I have no sense of how long it lasts. That's the thing about one of my episodes; time seems to freeze. Unmoving, trapping you. You become it's prisoner. There's no escape. You're running out of breath. The world's closing in. Tick, tock. You feel like you're dying.

And just like that, it's gone. I muster the courage to open my eyes and it's Kade holding me, stroking my hair gently, urgently asking if I'm okay, over and over.

Am I okay?

Am I okay?

After a long pause I realize I still haven't answered his question. I slowly nod, regaining feeling of my body.