Swear You Still Love Me?

Three

We made it to my doctors appointment in the nick of time. We were escorted in within minutes of our arrival. I got up on the exam table and laid back lifting my shirt and pulling my pants down a little. I got the towel situated and the tech got the gel and squirted it onto my belly. I held Finn's hand tightly as we watched the tech and listened to her as she explained what we were seeing. Finally she turned to us grinning. "Would you like to know the sex of the baby?" She asked. I looked up to Fergal who nodded excitedly. "Well, looks like you'll finally have a little princess running around with those little princes you've got." She winked and stood up. She waved as she left the room and I looked up to Finn.

The shock evident across his face. I smiled at him. "A baby girl... I get a little princess..." He stuttered out.

"Yea. A little girl. All the cute dresses and girl head bands. Ooo! I'm so excited!" I squealed as I sat up wiping the gunk off my stomach. "I can't wait to go over to dad's and tell the boys!" I squealed again. I got off the table and adjusted my clothes. The nurse came back with copies of our scan and sent us on our way. As soon as we left the building Finn stopped.

"I... I can't loose you Christina... I lost you for seven years then for five months because of my stupidity. I don't want to loose you again forever because of our daughter..." He said quietly.

"I spoke with Dr. Martan. He says because I did my surgery this pregnancy is very very low risk, it's a single child. There's nearly no issues that should arise from this one." I smiled rubbing my belly. I watched his mouth curl up into a smile. He took my hand and we headed to the car.

When we got into the car I turned to look at him. I felt my insecurities creep into my mind I looked over to him. "Finn... Swear you still love me?" I asked him. My voice quiet.

"More than ever beautiful." He replied with a soft smile. He gripped my hand squeezing gently. I smiled but looked away. We drove for a little before arriving at a little diner. He put the car in park before getting out. He came to my side and helped me out carefully before taking my hand once again and leading me inside. We took our seats and we brought a menu. We ordered quickly before Finn stared and me intently. "So, what did you do while we were separated?"He asked. I sighed.

"Honestly?" I asked shaking my head with a curt laugh. "Nothing... I quit my job, I stayed home and took care of our children on my own." I replied. "I took care of myself no matter how hard it got because I knew if I didn't I would hurt this sweet little angel. I said as looked down at my belly.

"I had no idea you quit your job..." He started looking away. "I would say I never meant to hurt you, but I'd be lying... At the time, I did mean to hurt you. I wanted you to feel as hurt as I did by not being able to do what I love. I have no excuse for why I took it out on you when you had nothing to do with it. I also cannot express how sorry I am for doing it to you. Every horrible thing I ever said to you, I wish I could take back. I should have never said any of those things because none of it is true. You are not fat, you're not ugly, and I do know why I am still with you. Why I married you and why you are the only woman in the world to me. Simply because you are the one person who has supported me, picked me up whenever I get knocked down, calms me when I'm nervous. And because I love you and our little family more than anything else in this entire world. Scratch that. The entire universe and beyond it. You are the only woman in the world that matters to me, besides our soon to be daughter. I again have no excuses and I know it will take quite some time before we are anywhere close to normal again, but I need you. I need you,ours sons and our daughter. All I ask is please don't give up on me.On us. I know I screwed up royally. But I'll spend the rest of my life making that up to you if I must..."

He finished his apology and our food arrived. I sat quiet in thought fora few moments before deciding to speak. "Finn... You just need to realize that you have your work cut out for you... You basically killed me when you said you weren't sure why you were with me. Every night I curled up with your pillow and cried. Or I sat in the fetal position against our front door crying and begging for you to come home and tell me you never meant it. Or wake up and realize this was all just some horrible dream... It wasn't. I love you too Fergal, but I can't help but be nervous that this is just going to happen again.Or something's going to come up and cause us to do this all over again." I explained before digging into my food.

"Well, we will work it out. We have too... I can't loose you again." He said. I nodded and reached out squeezing his hand gently. "But,onto happier topic's any name's picked out?" He asked. I knew my face lit up excitedly cause he chuckled.

"I have some... Caylee Aubrey – Lynn Devitt or Caylee Anna – Lynn Devitt." I grinned.

"Stuck on the name Caylee are we?" He laughed. I nodded happily.

"I can't decided whether I love Aubrey or Anna for the middle name though..." I said stuffing some fries in my mouth.

"My opinion. Caylee Anna – Lynn Devitt is my favorite." He smiled. I nodded happily.

"Then I think we have a name." I grinned. "You know, we don't have to go pick the boys up for another couple hours. Whattya say to some baby shopping?" I asked suggestively waggling my eyebrows.

He laughed loudly but smiled at me. God I love his smile. "Sounds good to me."

We finished our meal before paying and leaving. We made it to the baby store and walked in hand in hand. I actually wore something that showed off my bump today which made it easier to get help in here. We accepted his help and walked toward the crib bedding. We didn't need a crib as we could use one of the twins old ones since they were moving into toddler beds this May on their birthday. Finn and I browsed all of it before deciding on a cute purple owl theme. (A/N: Check Media. Fun Fact: Exact same one I used for my daughter. ;) We then moved on and picked out a couple of outfits. We found the cutest little shirts for the twins to reveal the pregnancy. We bought a brand new car seat and stroller. We have the double for the twins and now the second one for our princess.

After we did our shopping we headed home to rest for a bit before getting the boys. I laid down in bed and closed my eyes. I didn't fall asleep, I just laid there drowning in my thoughts. I'm still not ready to forgive him. When we were out at lunch I realized something. Maybe we should try marriage counselling... I don't want to but it might be best. I heard his footsteps enter our bedroom before the bed sank beside me. I think he assumed I was asleep because he laid his hand on my belly and rubbed it gently. He leaned down and I felt him push my shirt up and press a soft kiss to my belly. He spoke softly almost so quiet I didn't hear him. "Hi princess. It's you daddy. I just want you to know I love you. You, your brothers and your mommy. Your mommy is an incredible woman. Daddy was kind of an arse to your mama... I said some things that were really mean... I didn't mean any of it. I still don't. I know your mama knows how sorry I am, but she doesn't forgive me... I don't blame her. I was so horrible to her...I don't even know why... It wasn't her fault I got injured. It wasn't her fault my recovery took longer than it should've... I love your mama... I would quit my job and stay with you four forever if that's what it took to get your mom to forgive me... You all deserve so much better than me, and I'm amazed everyday that she chose to love me,but I'm so thankful too. I'm thankful such an amazing woman could love me. She gave me two handsome little boys and now you... Our little princess. I really would quit my job. I'd drop everything and everyone if it meant she would forgive me..." He sighed at the end and my facade of sleep was broken as I sobbed quietly. He slid back and pulled me to his chest. "I really would. I don't know how to make it up to you. But I swear I will..." He kissed my forehead.

"Don't quit your job. Don't drop all of your friends. Just... Just prove tome that you really want to stay with me. That you're not just here because of our children. That you feel some kind of obligation. If that's the case then just leave now. But if you really love me as much as you say you do, all I ask is to prove it. It sounds selfish of me, because after this long you shouldn't have to. But It's what I need. As bad as it sounds... I need the reassurance." I explained.

Finn nodded. "I'll prove it to you until the day I die. You prove to me everyday that you love me, I'm going to do the same. I swear it I will." He promised. He leaned down and kissed me tenderly. I could feel the sparks, the fireworks and the butterflies. Just like every other time. He was getting close to redemption. But we'll see. I just need some time...