Why? (JeanMarco)

I Can't Live Without You.... But I'll Try

I thought I should tell you that this won't be a very long story. Maybe only 2 or 3 chapters but it's really depressing so.... enjoy!!!

( Jean's POV )
I Loved you Marco. Not as a lover but as a friend. A very dear friend. More dear to me than you will ever know. You were like a ray of sunshine on the dark world for me. But one day a dark, deathly cloud blocked the sun from the earth and the spark went out. Why? Why did that cloud have to come?
My eyes reopened as they began to tear up as they did whenever I thought of Marco, which was sad because I always think of Marco. I wasn't asleep, I was in training, but when things get hard I close my eyes and imagine the last thing that Marco said to me.

( Flashback )
The commander spoke in a deep, serious voice yet full of fear as he sorted the cadets into squads for the battle.
" Jean Kirestein, Squad 4
Marco Bott, Squad 6 "
" What! How can we not be together! " Marco saw the fear on my face and grabbed my hands tightly and looked deeply into my eyes.
" It'll be ok Jean, I'll always be with you. "
( End of flashback )

" Don't make promises you can't keep Marco. "
I muttered under my breathe while staring blankly at the ground. I was snapped out of my trance when I heard my name be called. It was my turn to demonstrate. It was recruitment day and the 104th trainee squad each had to give and example of fighting to the new 105th trainee squad. I stood up on the creaky old stage. It felt like it could collapse at any time. I closed my eyes, trying to imagine all those people weren't there, I don't like being the centre of attention and kicked the punching bag as hard as I could. I caused a small rip in the stitching, it is easy for me to challenge my pain into anger and my anger into strength. I have so much strength because I have so much pain. Some of them smiled and clapped but most remained silent. I don't blame them, they're probably thinking about the huge mistake they've made coming here. I stepped down from the stage as the man called another name and Connie stepped up. I only heard my own name. I can't hear anything really right now, whenever I think of Marco my mind shuts out m
everything around me and I feel a rush of regret flow through my body. I would say I could have saved him but really when people say that there is a 90% chance they would have failed, think of Carla Jaeger for example. Eren always says he could have saved her but in actuality he was a 9 year old boy, she was buried under the weight of their entire house and that Titan was so close that he probably could have felt it's breathing. When I started to hear again, I realised that Sasha had been trying to talk to me.
" Jean? Jean are you ok? "
I snapped out of my trance and lifted my gaze from the floor to look her in the eyes.
" Yeah... I'm fine "
That was a lie.
" Why are you wearing your jacket? It's 30.c outside? "
She tugged on the shoulder of my jacket, trying to take it off, but I pulled it back up defensively.
" I like it on! "
She jumped back and walked back to her spot next to Christa with surprise and shock on her face. I do feel bad for shouting at her, but I was hiding something. Something nobody can see. The small, straight, red reminders that I will never see Marco's sweet smile ever again. The was a red stain on the wrist of my jacket, where the blood had seeped through.
My head started spinning, and then, black.....