Character Flaws

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Walking through the streets on my way home, I was enormously tempted to stop by Nugget and Jelly’s. I missed Romeo. I missed Nugget and Jelly too of course, but I really missed Romeo. I was on my way to Thor’s very important meeting which I was nearly positive, ninety-eight percent sure, was going to be him issuing a warning of some form to me, telling me to leave his sister alone. I had little evidence to base this conclusion off of, and there were several other things he could want to talk to me about. For example, he was going to propose to Red and wanted my advice on how to do it. Or, maybe he wanted to break up with her. He could also want to tell me that they had arrested the murderer. It could be that the murderer hadn’t fallen for the rouse and was on his way to kill me right now and Thor was going to move me to a safe house. Maybe the FBI wanted to question me. Maybe, a Broadway talent-scout had seen me practicing and was so impressed he had done an incredible amount of research on me, figured out who I was, and asked Thor If he could take me to New York to act for him. As likely as all of these scenarios seemed to be, especially the last one, my gut had me convinced this meeting was about a girl. A very specific girl. I entered my new building and hurried to the apartment, hoping to beat Thor and have time to change out of the tight-fitting dress I was wearing. I would like to at least be dressed properly when my ass was handed to me by the police god of thunder and arresting people. My luck had run out, it seemed, because when I entered the flat, Thor was lounging across the sofa, eating from a bag of potato chips and watching a football game. I scoffed. 

“Pig. Get off my sofa and give me back my chips. Those are my dinner.” I said, snatching the bag away from him and shoving a few in my mouth. As I chewed them I crashed onto one of the chairs in the room, picking up the remote as I did so. I flipped through several channels, despite Thor’s numerous protests and insistences that the game was important, before settling on some action movie that included lots of explosions and shoot-outs.  I waited for Thor to tell me why he was here but he seemed content to complain about my lack of respect for football. I wasn’t sure whether to find his casualness and lack of haste reassuring or nerve-racking. It was leaning towards the latter. I glanced around the room, making sure there were no sharp objects in sight before I spoke. 

“What’d you want to talk about?” I asked him, feigning confidence. 

“Right.” He said, turning to face me. “I wanted to talk about Kate.” I knew it,  thought, mentally taking a deep breath as I waited for the explosion of rage. It never came. 

“I think she need’s a boyfriend.” He said, catching me so entirely by surprise I nearly spit out the potato chip that I had been chewing.

“You think?” I asked. 

“Yeah,” He said. “But I don’t want it to be any schmuck. And it’s got to be someone easily intimidated...” He trailed off. 

“Intimidated by you?” I asked. “Because that doesn’t really narrow your choices. Most people find you pretty intimidating.” I reminded him, earning a wide grin and ruffling of my hair. 

“Aw, thank you Small Mercutio.” I glared at him but said nothing. “I’ve been watching the guys she’s acting with and I think I know the perfect one for her.” He said, and I felt an unfamiliar sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. 

“Not that Scott prick?” I asked. This time it was Thor’s turn to scoff. 

“Please. Absolutely not.” He answered. “The guy who plays Lance Oliver.” I tried to picture him, but failed. 

“Which one’s he?” I questioned. 

“The skinny one.” Came my oh-so-helpful answer. “Geeky. Looks like an accountant?” I frowned, but then realized who he was describing and burst into laughter. 

“You want Kate to go out with him?” I asked, pretending to wipe tears from eyes after my fit. He nodded, his expression showing that he saw nothing wrong with the idea. 

“He’s gay!” I exclaimed. This did not seem to upset him. 

“All the better.” He replied, dead serious. I looked at him exasperatedly. “I am not asking your approval.” He told me, glaring. I sighed but nodded. 

“Then what did you hope to gain by telling me your brilliant plan?” I quipped. 

“You’re going to make it happen.” He said simply. I didn’t follow, and told him so. “Talk him up, tell her to give him a chance, I don’t know. Do whatever it is girls do when they try to tell each other who to date.”

“I don’t know what girls do! I’m not a girl remember!” I yelled, unsure of why I was upset, besides the fact that my manhood was being slighted, but upset nonetheless. Thor looked at me condescendingly. 

“Mercutio, I’m well aware that you aren’t actually a girl.” He said. “But, you are pretending to be a girl, so you’ll do fine.” This was not as reassuring as he most likely meant it to be. 

“There is absolutely no way that I am helping you set your sister up with Lance Oliver.” I said firmly.

“I was afraid you might say that.” He said, resigned. For a brief moment I was concerned that he was going to kill me as he brought a hand around to grab something behind him, and when he pulled out a deck of playing cards I had to bite back a relieved sigh even as my expression shifted to one of confusion. “Go fish.” He said, still completely serious. I struggled to stifle a laugh as he shuffled the cards in a very professional manner and then dealt them out, handing me seven and taking seven for himself. He explained the rules, which I listened to attentively, though I was quite sure I knew how to play go fish, waiting for him to introduce alcohol or gambling. He didn’t. The closest he got was adding on the end that ‘whoever wins the game wins the argument’ meaning, I assumed, that if he won I had to help him ruin his sister’s romantic life and if I won he had to drop his stupid scheme. I picked up my cards and scanned over them, putting down the matches I had. Two queens and two fours. Thor did the same and then began the game. 

“Do you have any...sixes?” He asked. I did not. Frustrated, he drew a card. I asked him for a nine, and was no more lucky than he. This was the most serious go fish game I had ever played. When I made this observation he shushed me before replying, still totally focused on his cards.

“There’s a lot at stake on this game of go fish.” Was his answer. “Do you have any three’s?” In this he was lucky, I did have a three. He grinned triumphantly and asked for a four. This was my turn to grin as I had already set down all of my fours and he was forced to draw. He scowled when I asked for an eight and begrudgingly handed over the eight of hearts. I made a show placing the match down, trying to annoy him as much as possible. I was successful in my next inquiry as well as the subsequent one, and was down to only one card when he claimed he had no aces. I was tempted to accuse him of lying but decided that that would be immature. I accumulated five more cards in the following turns and Thor lost one. It was not going well when I hit a sudden burst of luck, bringing me down to one card once more. 

“Do you have any jacks?” I drawled, fingers crossed. A look bordering on rage crossed Thor’s face as he handed me the card. Jack of clubs. I whooped, throwing the cards onto the coffee table between us and launching myself into the air before beginning the most fantastic victory dance ever to be performed in all of history. Sadly however, it was cut short when a hand roughly shoved me back into my seat. I looked up to see Thor towering over me.

“Don’t be a sore loser.” I chided him mockingly. 

“What’s green and has wheels?” He said, looking superior. 

“Grass, you lied about the wheels.” I answered, not seeing the point to this repetition of his joke. 

“That’s right. I lied.” He replied smugly. “Win or lose, you’re helping me.”

I groaned. Stupid cop. Of course he would insist on having his way. 

“Fine.” I pouted.