Don't ever let yourself play the victim. Don't ever let yourself BE the victim because it's a far cry from who you were made to be and what you were made to do. You were born to burn down the earth and graffiti the sky, you are not whatever that garbage human being conditioned you to believe you have become. When I was younger I allowed myself to become beaten, broken, and battered. I sat through thirteen years of emotional abuse, before I was able to escape. My father was the epitome of the bad men you see in movies. No, he wasn't necessarily a drunkard, but he filled all other aspects of the role. One day my mother was making breakfast for the five of us and she accidentally dropped the eggs she was making on the floor. Like the concerned husband, my lousy excuse for a father forced her to eat all of the eggs off of the floor. that's ten eggs. Five servings of eggs she was forced to shove down her throat. But his generosity didn't stop there, not only did she have to eat the eggs, but he hit her in the back of the head with a frying pan. The abuse of my father cause me to slip into a deep depression, that began at the age of twelve. Fourteen was the age at which I first considered cutting. Fifteen was the age that I began cutting. Fifteen was also the year I began pondering my own impermanence. More specifically, ways in which I could put an end to my existence. At the age of sixteen I sat in the back of my aunt's SUV and I listened to her drug horror stories, and alcohol horror stories, and tales about her collection of adventurous exploits. Hearing her tales, I ruminated on some of my own ventures with my friends. I thought about the late nights at my best friend, allison's house as I cried and she held me in her arms and she assured me it'd all be okay. I thought about the first Once on This Island rehearsal after my nana died when we sang about how the main character who no longer lived would always a a part of us. I ran into the hall crying during that rehearsal and Julie came out and comforted me without needing to say a word. I thought about the thousands of times I laughed, and cried, and fought with my friends. And I realized I didn't want to ever give that up. Tomorrow had a million possibilities and I didn't want to miss out on a single one of them because one of those possibilities was my happiness. From that day on I decided to fight so I may make it to tomorrow. Whether I have to fight to find my happiness, or fight for equality, or fight for my friends when they can't fight for themselves. I refuse to sit silently and play the victim. I refuse to let another man like my dad suck the creativity and happiness out of me, I will scream so loud the walls will vibrate and even the devil will quake in his boots.
