Cataclysmic Love

Before the End: May 17, 2017

I finally get into my room. I'm out of breath.

I let out a shaky breath, wiping my eyes. You know I'm truly upset and angry when I'm crying. I look at myself in my body mirror and tell myself to knock this off. Don't let them know they get to me. It's what they want.

I look around for my earbuds, deciding to just get away from this mental state.

I see two black wires dangling from my desk and a weak smile appears on my face. I grab them and plug them into my charging phone. A few notifications light up my screen, I would usually answer or look into them but I just can't right now.

I carefully take my phone off the charger like how my stepdad said. I can hear his voice saying,"good, now the charger port won't break. You need to learn how to take care of your stuff."

He doesn't get it. Earbuds and chargers don't last. Especially $7 earbuds from Walmart.

I've been doing good with this pair, I've had them for three months.

I quickly unlock my phone and tap the Spotify App. Luckily, I have premium so I can just decide on any song for my moods. I go to my "HYPE" playlist to see if I can get into a better mood.

The song "Teenagers" by My Chemical Romance comes on and I instantly turn it up to full volume. I dance in my dark room and try to not run into any windows. Last night, when I was jamming to Fall Out Boy, I about went through my window. Good thing my house is one story.

After a jam session, I feel better.

However, when I look at my clock, my good mood fades away. It's 7:01 pm. My breathing picks up and I start to panic. Did I do my homework?

Yes, I'm that girl. I feel like if I miss even one homework assignment, I will disappoint everyone. Plus I like having time to do my homework so I do it when I get home. How did I get so distracted?

I look for my blue backpack. Ugh, it's on the desk in the study. Where I always leave it. That means I have to go out of my room.

I open my door and keep my head down. I get to my backpack. I get my homework folder and flip through it. Oh thank the lord, it's complete. I forgot I did it at school. And it's not even that much. I only have 5 days of school left. I put it back in my backpack and zip it up. Tomorrow I will be cleaning out my locker so I only have one more day with this thing.

I go back to my room and hang there, chilling on my bed, scrolling Facebook and Instagram and replying to Snaps I've received from my friends. After an hour, I take a shower and wash all the anger off of me.

Sometimes you have to do that to get on with your life.