I graduate on Friday. Got into the University of California on a full academic scholarship. I honestly don't know how, but I did it. Last year I finally decided to pull myself together and get a tutor and try really hard and end up possibly being happy even under the circumstances. Grace and I have gotten a lot closer and she's one of my best friends. In the middle of the year a guy named Trevor came and we became really close. We've only been friends for a couple weeks so I haven't told him I'm gay yet. I already know he isn't the one though. I already found the one and out there he has a twin, and I will find him and he'll be the one. They'll share the same heart and the same mind and the same soul and I'll be able to tell. I just know it. It's been a year since Louis has died, and I absolutely hate even thinking that. I'm still recovering, I'm doing a hell of a lot better though. A few days ago I got a call from one of Louis' friends, Zayn. He gave me a mixtape, he told me it was Louis' favorite. I listen to it every time I get in my car, when I'm alone obviously. We had a funeral for him last year, a few months after he died. They called me when they found his body and I arranged the funeral and got a nice plot. I had been working a lot -to distract myself- so I was able to pay for it. I go visit on his birthday and on holidays and I leave flowers. I'm doing better though, I swear. He's on my mind of course and I try to keep an open mind about other guys and see if I can move on like he wanted me to do. Everyone at our school are assholes though, which is why I'm looking forward to College. A new beginning where I can discover others, but also more about who I am and who I want to be.
My phone buzzes on the table and I go and pick it up.
"Hey Harry!" Grace exclaims through the phone.
"Hey, what's up?"
"I was digging and I found my camera and I still have the prom video... if you wanted it, or if you don't then that's okay, I won't delete it."
"No, I would like to see it."
"Okay, I'll drive to your house right now."
"Wait don't. It's his 1 year, we should go visit. And his birthday is in 2 weeks and I go on vacation and then I'll be up at college for summer classes so I won't be able to visit on his day. We should celebrate it today. I'll go get a cake and you can meet me there with the camera."
"Okay, I'll be there."
---
I grab the cake from the back seat along with three plates, forks, and napkins. Grace gets out of her car with the camera and we walk to his grave.
"Ooo what flavor did you get."
"Chocolate. Louis' favorite."
We arrive at the grave and I decide to open up the box and cut the cake. I put a slice on each plate and I give one to grace, I set one right beside me, and I set one right next to Louis' grave.
"This cake is really good." She says with a mouth full of food.
"It really is. Happy birthday Louis. I miss you I hope you're doing well."
I lean over and kiss his tombstone, trying my absolute hardest to pretend it's his lips.
"Do you want to see the video now?"
"Yes please."
She turns on the camera and hits some button, then hands it to me.
I watch myself turn around the corner and look at her with a surprised look. She has it on camera, all of it. Every place we went to, my reaction when I read the letters, when I looked at the pictures, even the pictures themselves. And then my hands get sweaty. In the video she's driving me to my house and I have this red bandana on. Then we get out of the car. Instead of my stomach dropping at the sight of him, it does flips and my heart soars. He's standing right behind the candles and he looks nervous as hell but also so incredibly happy. Then my blindfold drops and you can see my reaction, both of us are in tears. Then we hug, falling into the grass and kiss, whispering sweet things only we can hear. And that's when I can finally feel it.
Happiness.
Love.
