dishonesty // egobang

15. dishonesty

"did they find out whose baby it is?" arin asked when suzy walked through the door. it shut, air tight and secure behind her. she hesitated, but nodded. arin gave a short, incredulous laugh.

"i don't know what you expected, they're doctors. it was impossible to hide it." arin buried his face in his hands.

"okay, we can't let dan know. he'd be totally pissed at me, he'd probably lay down the law on you,-"

"arin, you're focusing on the negatives. you need t-"

"focus on the positives? i've never been able to do that. i'm very bad at it, actually. i don't know how to be a dad! they'd take the baby and do experiments on it if they don't take it prematurely! i don't know what to do, suze, i don't, god, i'm so damn stupid, why did we have to do that? i even told him a girl would never get between us!"

"pull yourself together, arin! jesus, you'll be fine, the baby will be fine, everything will be fine." arin took deep breaths to try to calm himself down. his shoulders shook with every inhale. thoughts were running through his mind, it was like he was convincing himself that the worst was inevitable.

"suz-zy, get... get dan." arin gasped.

"are you okay?" arin shook his head and pointed a shaky finger to his and dan's room. suzy nodded and rushed into the room.

dan lifted his headphones off of his head and looked at suzy with a smile.

"hey suze, what's up?"

"there's something wrong with arin, he's shaking and he can't breathe. it's either an asthma attack or a panic attack." dan threw his headphones to the side and pushed past suzy and crouched in the floor in front of arin's chair.

"hey, hey, look at me buddy, arin look." dan pried arin's shaking hands from his face. steady streams of tears made their way down his cheeks as dan helped him sit on the floor in front of them. suzy leaned against the wall behind dan watching intensely.

"d... da-an,-"

"shh, come here, you're gonna be alright." dan gathered arin's broken body into his arms, trying to put pressure on his back and shoulders.

this was a panic attack. arin hardly ever had asthma or panic attacks anymore, but when he did have them, they were terrible. his chest would tighten up and his breathing would become erratic, it was all around a bad time.

"suzy, what happened? did something happen?" dan asked, turning his head slightly towards suzy. she shrugged.

"i'll tell you later, just calm him down, please."

arin continued to shake and sniff in dan's arms and it seemed like he'd never stop. dan would run his hands through arin's hair periodically and tell him he'd be okay, and arin would fist his hands into dan's shirt to try to steady himself. after a slow moving twenty minutes passed, arin lifted his head away from dan's chest to wipe his eyes with his sleeve. he locked stares with dan and wrapped his arms around his neck.

"that was a bad one, yeah?" arin nodded. dan pressed a kiss against his neck and pulled him closer. "i'm sorry."

"don't be. i should be sorry."

"you couldn't help it, babe. you're alright now, and that's all that matters to me." arin didn't respond.

"arin?" he still didn't respond.

dan pulled back to discover that arin had fallen asleep. a tight lipped and amused smile found it's way onto dan's face as he pushed the hair out of arin's face to kiss his forehead and pick him up to lay him down in their room. he walked back out and found suzy in her room looking rather concerned.

"something you wanted to tell me?" dan sat down on suzy's desk chair across from her bed. she sighed and crossed her arms.

"yeah, but before you start making assumptions, i need you to know that you're the only person in arin's life he'd gladly die for. i know you'd much rather hear it from him, but he loves you more than literally anything or anyone else." dan felt a hot wash of praise flow across his face, but dismissed it with a question.

"why are you saying this?" suzy twiddled her thumbs.

"a while ago, arin and i kind of had a... well, we had a fling. it was way before you guys got together, so he's not going behind your back or anything. he wouldn't do that." dan raised his brows defensively. he somehow expected this from arin, but he took it as a surprise.

"yeah?"

"and uhm... from that fling came something we didn't expect at all, really, uh..." suzy wrung her hands. dan tried to predict what was about to come out of her mouth, but what he thought wasn't the case at all.

"i'm pregnant."

dan stared at suzy for the longest time with no strong or placeable expression. every couple seconds, he'd open his mouth as if to say something, but quickly exhaled in a defeated manner and shut his mouth with a pop. he eventually leaned back, but leaned forward again and waited for suzy to elaborate. he looked like he was in some sort of trance-like state. finally, out came coherent words.

"so, you and arin like..." suzy nodded, slightly embarrassed.

"yeah."

"alright. cool. so, uh... what's the situation? how can i help?" suzy raised her eyebrows and leaned back against the wall.

"you're cool with this?" dan started to nod, but stopped midway.

"i mean... i want to be okay with this, but we agreed-"

"yeah, arin told me about that. that's why he had that panic attack, he was stressed and freaking out about how you would take this. all he was worried about was you." dan waved his hand dismissively.

"i've already told him he worries about me enough. i do really want to be okay with you guys, but i'm not. but i want to be." suzy sighed.

"we just need to be open and honest with each other, otherwise, what do we have?" dan nodded.

"i suppose." he glanced down to the pale skin peeking out from under suzy's shirt. there was a growing baby in there, there'd be a child born in the next year or so.

"i'm just worried about them doing something to it prematurely. you know, like experimenting on the fetus or some insane shit like that. i get that they're trying to see what happens, but it's a human being who hasn't even got to live it's life, dan."

"i know, suze." they sat in silence for a couple minutes until there was a metaphorical lightbulb shining over dan's head.

"i've got an idea."

"spill the beans, avidan."

"so, you know how much arin wants to see the surface?" suzy nodded. "this isn't far fetched, i don't think, but what if we broke out of this place? i know how much he misses the fresh air and you know, the outside. and i really want you and the baby to have a chance at life, a normal one. well, as normal as you can have nowadays." suzy went wide eyed.

"okay, now you're insane." dan took to his feet and grabbed suzy by the shoulders.

"this could be our chance! our chance to get all four of us out of this bland hellhole and make it to the surface! we don't know what's up there, but that's the beauty in it, isn't it?" suzy looked iffy.

"there's a chance we'll die in the process."

"but there's also a chance we won't."

"jesus, dan, i don't know, i'll have to think about it."

"alright. i'm gonna go check on arin, explain everything. stay 'lax, 'kay?" suzy smiled and laid back against the wall.

"alright."