Wishful Thinking

Without Meaning

[Pov] ???

-1 hour before

Darkest..Pitch black is all I've accustomed to seeing there is no bright day in my head...

just black I began writing in my daily journal...''THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!

I screamed throwing everything off the desk an across the room then violently began to punch the wall in front of me screaming to block out the voices that engugled my head from time to time SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!!

I screamed once again as i kept pounding the wall feeling the blood slide down my knuckles making me remember that at least my body remained human even though the voices in my head made me believe i wasn't anything i was just someone....Without Meaning..

The door busted open an seven men came in running toward me holding me to my bed while they stabbed a needle in my neck making my entire body shut down my eyes closed an i was back in the dark place once again... I can start to feel my body again... slowly waking up I start to see lights I'm in a room I began to sit up and noticed I was in another office.

I wonder who's pay they've raised to have a session with me. 

My vision started to clear I seen a women she was the perfect mocha shade skinny but still had a curve to her she had long uniquely colored braids that was put up in a what they call a professional bun her voice spoke my last name I almost forgot I was in a daze.

Mr. Jones ... Mr. Jones I could hear her calling my name. ''what'' i said in a deep but bitter tone..''I'm Dr. Jackson you new threapist.''she said with a strict tone yea were not going to get along well.. "nah there must be some mistake" I said with a smirk. "And why would there be a mistake Mr. Jones " she said I could tell she was being sarcastic so I decide to be the same.

"Well because Ms. Jackson I do not get females such as yourself as a therapist " I said with the fakest smile I could pull. 

She smiled an laughed even though I wasn't being funny what was the joke I was missing?

She continued to laugh until she noticed that I wasn't she cleared her through and firmly said.

"Well Mr. Jones Sorry not sorry to inform you that for the next month you will have me as your therapist working with you should be eventful. Was that an insult ? I thought to myself she has to be joking?

I know she's have to have seen my record ? She held her hand out for me to shake it i wanted to touch her believe me i did just ached to she smelled good and looked so good I don't know if.

I'd be able to control my muscles if I layed so much as a finger on her so I just stared at it ...... she realized not to long after.

Well then she rolled her eyes as saying why don't we get started huh with a smile she looked at me I didn't wanna look at her anymore not directly anyway I felt as if I did I would lash out again because something inside tells me.

I can not have her how I want her I'm thinking to myself forgetting she was talking to me.'' Mr.Jones as I was reading your daily journal entry I see you tend to come in contact with this dark place frequently am I right.

I shivered coldly before answering
''Yes sometimes''.

''Ok and what about the voices you hear''. she asked ''Well what do you want too know about them.'' I replied with a smirk ''What are they saying to you??'' she replied while typing on her desktop. '' I don't remember i always blackout after but one time

I remember them saying help us....help us.'' i've noticed she stopped typing an looked up with a sympathy face.. ''WHAT!!! I hollered catching her off guard.

''Do you think those voices are actually people you knew'' she asked trying to ease into the subject about my indictment with the burning house of people...well my family no one ever brings that topic up everyone knows I blamed myself for years after that day.

I don't want to be reminded of that tragedy.. ''Yes I do'' I still answered ''Mr. Jones if you don't mind me asking what do you remember the most about that day''.

I paused scanned the room looking for that one thing that keeps me sane, there it was the window but, it wasn't the actually window that kept me sane it was the beautiful night sky.. ''the sky huh?'' I nodded hearing the sound of the keyboard clicking.

''Dr. Jackson do you know how many stars there are in the sky?'' I asked while gazing at the sky.. ''No actually I don't would you like to inform me'' she said actually sounding engaged.. '' There are over a hundred billion'' I replied.

'' Oh wow thank you for telling me now can you tell me why are the stars let alone the sky period so meaningful to you.'' I paused once again thinking of a good answer without letting her in.

'' I love how ever star has a meaning and story behind it and each star has a purpose and without a particular star a whole constellation couldn't crypt.'' I replied hearing her type as I talked. ''What about you Mr. Jones?'' she asked '' huh? i replied confused.

''Well stars are not the only things in life with a story and purpose you too have one.'' she said ''Um-- riiiinng riiinngg the bell rung before I could answer I got up an headed towards the door but not before saying

'' I'm different from you Dr. Jackson everything I do is without purpose and without meaning'' I said coldly before slamming the door.