What if I told you there was a point in my life where I was scared to eat? A time where comfort foods were no comfort to me... I got over it. How? Well then, you'll just have to read to find out.
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I can't eat that... It has too many carbs in it... Those were the words that always loomed over my head; I was a mere 70 pounds at age 13, I couldn't eat. Why? It' simple. I have Type 1 Diabetes, and I feared insulin. A phobia so severe it interfered with my quality of life. The phobia showed its ugly face during a very dark time. During that time, I had to eat whilst dealing with chronic stomach aches. I was eating for my life, if I stopped altogether I could have possibly lost my life to a demon commonly known as low blood sugar.
But I was scared to eat. What if I had to eat more food while I had a stomach ache? It was just eat, and eat, and EAT. At least, that's how I felt about the matter. It hurt to fill my stomach with food, so, I decided that not eating would be the best solution. If I didn't eat, I didn't have to take insulin, right? Wrong. That meant that my body wasn't getting any life supporting nutrients. Even so, the fear consumed me, I never ate more than 40 carbohydrates a day. My weight only dropped lower as the weeks passed by. But what started out as mere weeks festered and swelled into months; Months of angst and pain.
It seems rather silly, a Diabetic who fears insulin? Insulin is a life supporting hormone produced by every human being, a Diabetic takes insulin in the form of a drug. So, not taking insulin is a preposterous feat that no Diabetic should even fathom the idea of. I had my reasons though... More specifically, the stomach aches.
Can you imagine eating an extra-cheesy pizza while suffering from nausea so severe, it could compare to the feeling you get right before you vomit? Well, that's what I had to deal with constantly. That is, until April 12th, 2014. The day I was diagnosed with Celiac disease, the culprit behind my constant stomach aches and fear of insulin. Life changed for better or for worse after that. For one, I couldn't eat gluten anymore; So, just after I found out why I couldn't eat, gluten was taken away.
But, you see, after I took gluten out of my diet, I felt better. My skeleton was finally filling out with an appropriate amount of fat, I was finally gaining my weight back. But I was still scared of insulin after that. But you know how I got over it? I got over it by just taking the insulin. It's what I need to survive. We can't let fear control us like puppets. Imagine a dark hallway, you're scared of it. What would you do? Would you take baby steps down it or run full-speed ahead? You would run; Because, sometimes you gotta run before you can walk.
