Finding What We Lost [SM BOOK 3]

5. Fresh Ground Coffee

Song of the chapter- dead - madison beer

I reviewed everything in my mind, made sure I was definitely going to the right place to retrieve the right thing.

I didn't want to go all the way back to Pickering to find I was wrong.

I gripped the steering wheel, why wasn't I leaving yet? I was procrastinating and I didn't know why. what was holding me back? I wasn't sure.

•••

I twisted the key out of the ignition and slammed the black door behind me, rubbing my large fingers together, my wedding ring scraping against my finger. Almost like a persistent reminder, that ring always reminded me of Amelia and the responsibility I had as her husband. A responsibility I often ignored.

I pushed my palms against the glass door and It slid open, revealing the familiar smell of my youth; fresh ground coffee and old books. I wasn't sure where the books had come from, I never had, I mostly figured it was from the newspaper stack that sat behind the door. The newspaper stack in which I accidentally slammed the door against after pushing it open to hard. I mumbled an inaudible 'sorry' and made my way to the marbled counters which once where bright red- similar to the ones in Hannah's diner.

I placed my hands on the counter and came face to face with an unfamiliar young girl who's eyes widened at the sight of me.

"Oh my god you're Shawn me-"

"Yeah, i know, I'm Shawn Mendes great, I need to speak to Hailey." She gulped at my abruptness and huffed- maybe expecting a photo- turning round and sliding through the kitchen doors, coming back with a familiar Blonde.

"Shawn! What a surprise to see you! What can I get ya?" She drummed her fingers against the counter but stopped when she found my expression was not one of friendliness.

"I don't want anything to drink. I think you have something I need." Her brows pushed down close to her eyes before sparking in realisation. "Behind the counter." I told her and she looked around before nodding and sliding open a drawer, handing me an envelope.

"She said to make sure you opened it in here with a black coffee and a flapjack." I smiled lightly as she slid the coffee and food to me.

She still knows my order.

I took the envelope and the drink and flapjack, sliding hailey a twenty and explaining to her that I wanted to pay and it was really nothing.

I sat into a booth and admired my home town, stirring the coffee and nibbling on the flapjack.

I tore the envelope open and my eyes softened at her sweet writing.

'Dear Shawn,

I assumed you've figured things out remotely by now if you're reading this. I'm gone. It probably go s without saying but you really can't tell anyone about this letter or about anything you know, or think you know.

It was a tough decision to leave my son but I've left a child before, you know that. He's in good hands. He always did remind me of you, you know? The way he spoke passionately about things he loved or would so innocently help everybody around him. He's kind ,Shawn. You're kind.

It's simple, THINGS ARE NOT AS THEY SEEM. Trust me on that.

Just please know that what we are and what we had is the most special thing I've ever had and I miss it, I miss you,

I miss us.

It felt rushed. No clues or hints or ways of telling me where she was. It seemed spontaneous and unexpected, like she hadn't thought anything through. The handwriting was scruffing, as though it had been written in under a minute. It was almost like a goodbye note. Like she wanted to me to give up. She didn't. I knew she didn't. She wouldn't have told me to come all the way back to Pickering for a goodbye note, no. She would have just given it to me, straight up, or left it at my house, or with willow. Nothing made sense.

I was interrupted by a piercing squeal from the other side of the room and by this time, at least ten years of fame, I had finally gotten used to random screams and being tackled by hugs. Except usually I had my body guard ,
Samuel, -or my manager, Andrew -with me. This time I was alone and a little unnerved.

"Shawn! Mendes! Oh! My! Jesus!" I looked up, a little amazed that she had seen through my sunglasses and pulled over hood, but then again, the lady at the counter recognised me.

I stood up as she ran towards me, her blue dyed hair bouncing around her shoulders. Surprisingly, people's attention wasn't focused on her or me, but at hailey knocking over a tray of glasses. There was a loud crash and everybody scrambled around helplessly as Hailey shot me a wink. She knew I wouldn't like tons of people realising who I was and purposely smashed the glasses to draw the attention away from me.

I grabbed the girls wrist and pulled us both out of the glass doors and around the side of the building, standing against the cold bricks. It reminded me of the night I took Hannah away from some bimbo I was sleeping with and used her as an excuse to kiss her. That was my favourite night. My favourite night up until the last time I saw her.

"Oh my god. Oh my fucking God." The girl mumbled to herself and I ran my hands through my hair, still unsure of what I was doing.

"Shut up. Hi, I'm Shawn woo big deal, listen," I looked at her and she seemed a little taken aback by the fact I wasn't acting like the positive happy Shawn that always wants to take pictures, he was the Shawn the fans loved but the real Shawn wanted to scream in frustration. He never got to be alone. "You can't be screaming like that in public, ok? I came here to get away and sort some things out. I know you're probably upset but I can't take a picture, I just really want some peace. I have a lot on my mind." I rested my hand on her shoulder and I was sure I could feel her shiver, I immediately took it off.

She sighed and chewed on her lip, smirking ever so slightly and spoke five words I didn't realise I needed to hear.

"I know where she is."

A/n: wooooooo! I'm back! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in so long but I had crazy writers block for this story but I'm finally out of it and I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, hopefully updates will be coming a lot faster now I've sorted the plot.

Please don't forget to comment, vote and share,

Peace out my lovelies Xx