Alone Until

19 - Mandatory to Survival

Jed sat, unable to keep his eyes away from mine. Tears streamed down my face and I knew it, I hated it, and he still didn't look away. I'd poured my heart out to him, from the day my mum didn't return to the day I was about to jump. Once that was through, I told him about before, about Nicole, Nathaniel, my life before this disaster. He still stared at me, into me through my eyes, and I'd never felt so vulnerable. Even after the silent tears fell down his face. From my story.

We'd spoken into the dark of night, then it was Jed's turn. 

"I... I actually didn't live in the city. My family lived in the country and we might've all been fine if we didn't go to visit my cousins." Jed swallowed and readjusted himself on the sofa cross-legged. "So, well," he sighed, "our cousins were pretty urban - much younger than Malcolm and I might I add, so they had trouble defending themselves I imagine."

"You imagine?"

"I was the idiot who decided to go get groceries for that week while everyone else was outside in the yard enjoying themselves. They heard over the radio that there was a breakout in the city, and evacuation was the first thing that came to mind for them. My cousins and their parents packed for the six of them, and they tried to take my brother and parents too since they had the room, but my family didn't listen.

"They went for me. Stupid Jed, leaving the store with both arms full of groceries, completely oblivious of the hell-fest going on outside until I set foot out there. Infected, they were rampaging everywhere. I dropped all those freaking groceries and booked it up the back of a shipping truck and onto the roof of the store.

"My parents knew which store I'd gone to, so they decided to start there. I'd lost it, once this swarm of Infected flooded the storefront and everyone was screaming. Everyone was screaming, you would know. I was watching people run around, and I tried waving people up but the truck got surrounded by them but thankfully I didn't get noticed." I buried my chin into the blanket further, my stomach churning at this upsetting retelling. Jed's brows were knit and his gaze seemed so hollow.

"Malcolm was usually not thinking but just this once, he did. He brought the gun from the back of his truck. He had this rifle, this very rifle I have now." Jed motioned to the rifle propped against the wall near the hallway. "Malcolm... I was waiting up on the roof, too scared to do anything else, when I saw him. He made it to the store. Most of the Infected cleared out - there wasn't a crowd left to feast on, so it wasn't hard for me to see him." Jed's voice quivered like a blade of grass in the wind. "But I only saw him!" His voice broke. "N-Not my mum, not my d-"

"Okay, I don't need the rest." It pained me to watch him think about that. I didn't want to force him to speak about something that was clearly awful. I didn't want to hurt him.

I wasn't one to be very comforting, but I tried. Pained, I shifted to the best of my abilities towards Jed, reaching my arms around him. My fingers couldn't touch so I held a handful of his shirt and buried my head into his shoulder.

Jed was wordless - as was I, so I listened to his uneven breathing, not letting go of him, coaxing him back to normal.

"Don't, don't you just wish that we could wake up from this?" I nodded my head into his shoulder. And thought about Val. And mum and dad. Nicol. I missed them all so much. But I couldn't quite join them. There was a force left on this Earth, a life that kept me tethered. But without Jed, I would go. Jed was mandatory to my survival at this point.

Jed sniffed and swiped his hand through his hair. I leaned into him, to which Jed reached his far arm around me to pull me into a hug. I felt so sad but I felt so safe now, and I was only sad when I was alone. Jed fulfilled everything I could possibly afford in a world like this. "Jed?"

"Yeah."

"I love you."