En Pointe

I

1..2...3...4..

1..2...3...4..

The count reverberated in the small room, only the disinterested voice of the company's choreographer and the soft patter of pointe shoes filled the still silence of the room. The lingering smell of desperation filled the room as each dancer remained focused in a fruitful attempt to avoid mistakes for the final part of their rehearsal. When the final count finished being called, each dancer took a deep breath out, each having the same thought of looming auditions in the back of their minds.

For Park Jimin, this thought had been at the forefront of his mind much longer than even most of the principal dancers. Nervous energy raced through him with each move during classes and the feeling of butterflies growing in his stomach seemed to suffocate him each time he was away from the studio. Being a soloist for the company was more than many dancers would ever achieve, but he couldn't help but feel dissatisfied with the title.

"If I have spoken with you prior to today's rehearsal, please remain back."

With the final words from the choreographer, dancers began to gather their things. A shift in the room was noted as whispers cut through the once thick air, gliding around the room as though they were a lingering breeze.

Jimin remained in his spot, joined by four other company members who had remained back, Jimin being the lowest ranking of the other four principal dancers.

"As I am sure you are all aware, our first production of the season is approaching. Swan Lake is no easy task to learn or to perform." Hoseok began to pace, making eye contact with each individual dancer through the duration of the sentence.

Jimin nodded only to look around and notice he had been the only one to visualize his agreement with the teacher as the remaining principal dancers stood in their places, not having moved.

"While we wait for audition day, I would like to remind you all that you are all held to the highest regard in this company. Do not disappoint."

Silence soon swelled back into the small space, each wanting to make sure that Hoseok had nothing left to say before they tried to exit the suffocating room. Hoseok flicked his wrist towards the dancers, the common signal that they were able to leave now, the same thought taking residence in each individual's mind.

✶✶✶

The five dancers exited the studio to a multitude of glares and silence from the dancers of Jimin's class, a group which were never found as still as they were now. A weight settled itself onto his chest, crushing any air supply out of him, a suffocating feeling soon settling in his chest.

Whispers swelled in the small space, indirect gazes coupled with the subtle mentions of his name coming in overwhelming abundance.

Jimin took an instinctive step back only to be met with the rough chest of someone behind him followed by a muffled "oof" of discomfort.

"Sorry." Jimin's apology was soft, an afterthought almost as his mind filled with other thoughts of what he could have done to upset fellow dancers. The company was always welcoming to everyone who danced within it, yet, Jimin couldn't help but to feel singled out.

What did I do?

✶✶✶

By the time Jimin arrived home from classes, he could feel the soreness racing through his limbs from the day's practice. His bag fell to the dirty floor as soon as he crossed through the threshold, landing with a soft thump.

Burning food was the first thing Jimin could smell coming from the kitchen. Most people are welcomed home by the sweet scent of homemade cooking, while Jimin grew to be accustomed to smoke and the fire alarm having gone off on more than one occasion.