Hot For Teacher... (BoyxBoy)

Chapter Eleven- Painfully Numb

(Matthew)

    After I woke up this morning with my face in Kellin's neck, breathing in the scent that pursued tranquility in every corner of my mind after my nightmare last night, I just laid there. I laid there with his arms around my body which was curled into his own, he seemed so peaceful whilst I was and still am drowning in the pool of all the bullsh*t that comes along with my life, wallowing in my own pain and emotions. I laid there because it hurt every time I tried to move, and I laid there because I was afraid of the even worse thoughts that would return to me if I left the protection of his grasp.  At least I had a moment of peace before I had to be alone with myself again.

    After a while I just couldn't stand being there anymore, him being that close to me, the couch, the room, all of it just took me back to when we... Had sex. I could practically feel his hands running up and down my sides and his lips on my neck. It made me want to do it again, but it also made me want to cower back into the corner of my room with a blade because after the events of what Chase did to me, I feel so put off on sex right now. And Kellin.. He'll leave me again if I ever let myself act or even think too deeply about doing that with him again. I can't do that... I should just stop trusting people, they'll just hurt me.. They'll make me hate myself even more and I've told myself that before. Just don't trust anybody. Why can't I just listen to myself for once? I'm just so stupid sometimes..

   I start to feel uncomfortable. So I slowly and painfully slid out of his grasp in a way as not to wake him and limped off in search for my clothes that he washed, my out of service cell phone and my razor that he's hidden from me, I'll need it for later when I'm alone. It still hurt to walk so bad, everything was swollen and painful, the bruises and scratches from all over me were throbbing now, making me well aware of the damage done to my body. But I slowly made my way around the apartment anyway to realize that my clothes were ruined even though they were washed because of the blood stains and rips, so I made a mental note to return the clothes I'm wearing to Kellin whenever I got the chance. I also found my phone on the counter of the kitchen and my razor hidden underneath a potted plant in the kitchen... Weird hiding place.. Whatever. 

    Since my phone bill isn't paid, I borrowed Kellin's phone, so now here I am, going into the bathroom so I won't wake him up and call Ronnie. I lean my head against the door weakly as the phone rings, I can't believe I'm actually this weak because of this puny walk around the house... I can't believe I'm this weak after just sleeping. It's all because Chase hurt me... I think of the nightmare from last night, and my mind flashes back to the memory of the sweat, and the pain... And the stench of beer and drugs.. I don't mean to dwell on them but it seems I can't do anything else. Everything that I do or think of reminds me of it.. It makes me want to cut myself open to crawl out of my skin, yet I feel so blank in some odd way. It's like I just don't care anymore. This happened last time, I hated it. I hate it now. I hate me, I hate him, I hate my Dad, and I hate life.. 

    Ronnie snaps me out of my self pity when he says into the phone,

     "Hello? Who is this?"

    I take a breath, coming back into reality and replying to him quietly, "Umm, Ronnie this is Matthew.. I- Well something happened last night... And- And I need you to come get me at the Park At Caldera apartments on 23rd Street please.. I mean you don't have to but I really would appreciate it if you would.."

    I hear his voice again, there's loud music playing in the background on the other side of the line, people talking loudly and David laughing his ass off about something, they're probably still awake from staying up last night knowing them with people still over at their house. "Matthew? Sure I'll come in David's car. What happened? Is it serious, you don't sound like normal and why are you all the way across town over there?" He asks, that worried best friend tone in his voice.